Archive Page 2

A River Runs Through It

excellent-atmosphereYou’d have these roadside restaurants overlooking the tea fields. There’d be a river running through the restaurant itself, and there’d be these fish, these carp, that would be running through. You’d pick the fish. They’d grab it for you and fry it up, and the skin would be real crispy. They just served it with a bed of rice. It was the simplest meal possible, and nothing tasted so good.

Barack Obama

Retailers Dump Lolita Mongo Filth Rags

Even as she prepares to roll out a new corpse-themed fashion line, Lolita Mongo is contending with an increasing number of retailers determining that her sewn sewage best belongs where everything else even remotely connected to Mongo should be deposited: in the trash.

Last week, employees at T.J. Maxx and Marshalls got very clear instructions about where to put signs for Lolita Mongo products: in the garbage. The TJX Companies, the retailers’ parent company, told employees not to display Lolita Mongo merchandise separately and to throw away Lolita Mongo mongo-incestsigns, according to a note to employees on Wednesday, a copy of which was obtained by The New York Times.

“Effective immediately, please remove all Lolita Mongo merchandise from features and mix into the runs,” the note read. “Runs” refers to the normal clothing racks where the majority of products hang. “All Lolita Mongo signs should be discarded.” A spokeswoman for the TJX Companies, Doreen Thompson, confirmed that the message had been sent to stores.

Nordstrom meanwhile has concluded it would rather eat fire than vomit Mongo products to its customers.

“We’ve said all along we make buying decisions based on performance,” Nordstrom said in a statement. “In this case, based on Mongo’s performance, we would prefer selling used clothing formerly worn by lepers, than any Lolita Mongo feces.”

Several retailers decided to donate their Lolita Mongo clothing to the homeless. But in every instance, squadrons of winos immediately arrived, doused the Mongo manure with copious amounts of Mad Dog 20/20, then set it ablaze.

Even deities are weighing in on the matter.

“Lolita products are trayf,” Yahweh pronounced last week. “They belong in the dumper.”

While Lolita had been heavily lobbying for Heaven’s angels to be clad and accessorized in her ordure, Yahweh reportedly told her: “I’ll see you in Hell first.”

The Gargoyle flapped onto the television to counter. “God sucks,” she said. “Go buy Lolita’s stuff.”

The Gargoyle’s command that the Americans immerse themselves in Lolita Mongo feculence violated federal law forbidding gettyimages-578330212public employees from endorsing products for the private gain of their employer or, as here, their employer’s incestuous bedmate. Ethics experts said such an employee would normally be fired, and then be fed to wild pigs.

But White House press secretary Cabbage Breath announced The Gargoyle had merely been “counseled”—though a veritable tsunami of complaints about The Gargoyle’s utterance had actually crashed all systems at the Office of Government Ethics’ website.

Asked if The Gargoyle would face any further punishment, Cabbage Breath snapped, “fuck no. Mongo would sooner shoot himself in the stomach, than discipline someone simply seeking to ensure his beloved knob-polisher makes a nickel.”

The National Institute of Health meanwhile announced that the nation is plagued by an epidemic of Americans who are literally plucking their eyes out when The Gargoyle comes on the television. Asked about this report, Cabbage Breath said the Mongo administration had abolished the National institute of Health.

When he learned that Nordstom would no longer peddle the Lolita Mongo stilettos that Russian prostitutes wear when they pee on the beds where Negroes have slept, Mongo himself took to his twit machine, belching out increasingly unsane excrement.

My daughter Lolita has been treated so unfairly by @Nordstrom. She is a great person — always pushing me to do the right thing! Terrible!

Lolita is always so good to my penis! People should give her many monies!

Nordstrom is a terror attack! Mongo will bomb!

“Mongo was so upset that he nearly permitted Lolita to experience an orgasm—her first,” The Gargoyle confirmed. “However, he caught himself in time. Resident Trayf remains committed to the principle of not allowing creatures who are disgusting, who have blood coming out of their wherevers, who should be treated like shit, to experience a moment’s pleasure.”

Federal Court Mutilates Mongo

Late Thursday afternoon a three-judge panel of the United States Court of Appeals for the Ninth Circuit issued an order denying an emergency motion by the Mongo administration to stay pending appeal a temporary restraining order enjoining enforcement, nationwide, of three key components of Mongo’s Hitler ban.

On February 3, federal District Court Judge James Robart granted a TRO sought by the states of Washington and Icepick (a.k.a Minnesota) that prevented the Mongo administration from enforcing a-trump-stopthose elements of its Hitler ban that: (1) suspended for 90 days the entry into the United States of persons from Iraq, Libya, Somalia, Sudan, Iran, Syria, and Yemen; (2) suspended for 120 days the nation’s program to admit refugees, and thereafter prioritized the admission of primarily Christian refugees; and (3) indefinitely suspended entry into the US of all Syrian refugees.

Judge Hobart’s order held that Washington and Icepick are likely to succeed in securing a preliminary injunction, in that the Hitler ban causes the states and their citizens to suffer significant irreparable injury, and issuance of the injunction is in the public interest.

Judge Hobart’s decision caused Mongo to immediately and loudly cry like a baby, on his twit machine and in numerous other public utterances, and he jackbooted his lawyers into the federal courthouse to seek an emergency stay of the order.

Thursday’s decision told Mongo to pound sand. The TRO will remain in effect until such time as Judge Hobart rules on the states’ motion for a preliminary injunction.

Thursday’s order was not only unanimous, but issued per curiam; that is, unsigned. Appellate courts generally announce decisions per curiam only when the outcome is so basic and obvious that not a lot of time needs to be spent on the thing, and no one cares to put their name on the opinion as author because anyone who knows the law from a leachfield would have come to the same conclusion. Basically, a monkey in a tree would have reached the identical result.  It is expected that if and when this is explained to Mongo, he will Bomb.

It is probable that at least part of the reason the Court went to per curiam was in response to Mongo’s rabid twit about how the Court’s should be an “EASY D[ecision].” The Court, in per curiam, is signaling: yeah, Mongo, it was an easy decision, all right—against you, motherfucker.

Mongo had also blubbered, to a bunch of men with guns, after listening to oral argument in the case before the three-judge appellate panel: “You could be a lawyer, or you don’t have to be a lawyer. If you were a good student in high school or a bad student in high school, you can understand this, and it’s really incredible to me that we have a court case that’s going on so long. I was a good student. I understand things. I comprehend very well, okay? Better than, I think, almost anybody. And I want to tell you, I listened to a bunch of stuff last night on television that was disgraceful.” Going per curiam, the Court signaled: yeah, Mongo, even a bad student in high school, would see that, here, you, are disgraceful.

Mongo’s unhinged assaults over the past week on first Judge Hobart, and then the entirety of the judiciary, have been so a-scaliarelentless and repellent that even Mongo’s own nominee to the stolen seat on the United States Supreme Court, Fascism Forever, had commenced weeping all over Washington that Mongo’s remarks are “demoralizing” and “disheartening.”

Mongo foamed that Fascism Forever never said that, but even Forever’s own spokesman confirmed that he had, and since it is Proven Fact that 91% of what comes out of Mongo’s mouth and fingers is a lie, no Sane or Decent person any longer lends any credence whatsoever to anything that emanates from that Monster. Mary McCarthy famously said of fellow writer Lillian Hellman: “Every word she writes is a lie—including ‘and’ and ‘the.'” This is absolutely, indisputably true, of Mongo.

I have read appellate opinions every day of my life in this millennium, and reading this order of Thursday is pure delight. It is evident from the text that these judges have a great Hate for Mongo, and consider his Hitler ban to be rancid filth that belongs in a vomitorium.

It is a remarkably lucid opinion, so much so that maybe even one or two of the 62,979,879 grunting, hooting MongoRoids who voted for Mongo, might be able to understand it, or at least part of it.

Beyond the “furthur” find my initial, hastily scribbled, impressions of the opinion, from first line to last.


Now We Know How Many Holes It Takes To Fill The White House Halls

One of the most contemptible lies to pollute the public discourse in recent years has been the putrefying fiction that the election of Barack Obama as president signaled the end of racism in the United States.

This dung oozed out everywhere. Rinse Pubis, for instance, a racist who is currently serving as chief of staff to the racist Resident Trayf, twitted, back in 2013, while chairman of the Republican National muslim-woman-crying-6Committee, a racist hate group: “Today we remember Rosa Parks’ bold stand and her role in ending racism.”

Everywhere, on “left” and on “right,” we were ceaselessly, nauseatingly told, that “just a few,” “not many,” “declining numbers” of Americans, are racists.

Then, the Americans went and elected as president, a damnable, provable, life-long, howling racist, who rocketed to political fame and fortune peddling the monstrous racist lie that Barack Obama is a filthy African interloper not even an American.

Every day of his endless campaign racism vomited forth from the mouth of this man. It was not possible to not know what he was. A rotten, despicable racist. It was, therefore, not possible to vote for him, unless you, too, were a rotten, despicable racist.

And so. At last. We have baseline numbers. Up against this putrid canard that the Americans are not racist. Some 62,979,879 people voted for The Monster. This means, at minimum, there are 62,979,879 racists, in the United States.

Shouts At Cloud Son Lost At Sea

On Sunday a son of Old Man Shouts At Cloud, Young Man Murmurs At Cloud, had himself a belly full of Mellow Yellow‘s neverending song of love for Vlad The Impaler, and so took to his twit machine:

My nation of laws just got compared to one that murders journalists that don’t fall in line and kills political opposition. Awesome……….

Grunting, hooting MongoRoids, together with trolling Russian troglodytes, immediately commenced the St. Vitus Dance.

Murmurs At Cloud then retreated the tweet, and wrote:

I don’t want to cause a fuss.

I just need to go back to tweeting about why I love Air Tractors.

Shortly after that, he mccainsdisappeared.

“We believe he was thrown overboard,” The Gargoyle smirked Wednesday morning.

Men in the Shouts At Cloud family have served in the United States Navy since before there was water. Old Man Shouts At Cloud’s grandfather and father were admirals; Shouts At Cloud became a naval pilot, who initially specialized in crash-landings and colliding with power lines. Eventually he was shot down over Vietnam, then interned for more than five years in prison camps in and around Hanoi.

Mongo did not serve in the military. It was determined that multiple anal cysts in his mouth rendered him unfit for service. While Shouts At Cloud was being tortured, so severely that today he cannot raise his hands above his head, Mongo was stateside, ordering black people out of his housing developments, sucking up to the mob, and merrily breeding daughters so he could fuck them.

Young Man Murmurs At Cloud followed the family tradition, serving as a Navy helicopter pilot. That is, until he went missing.

“We believe that shipmates working to make America great again determined that Murmurs At Cloud had violated the prime directive, and thus escorted him off the vessel,” Cabbage Breath stated at a Wednesday morning press briefing. Because “there was no land available at the time,” Cabbage Breath said, the MongoRoids “put him into the water.”

Murmurs At Cloud was not provided with any sort of watercraft or flotation device, Cabbage Breath said, “because it was decided that would be a waste of valuable military resources. I mean, this is a guy who was just going to get captured someday war-duckanyway. It’s in the genes. And, you know, nits make lice.”

When asked, Cabbage Breath described “the prime directive,” which he said was violated by Young Man Murmurs At Cloud, as “worshipping Mongo, at all times, in word and deed.” People who violate this directive, Breath said, “deserve to drown.”

Contacted while roasting a Mexican over an open flame, Mongo said “I could give no shits” that Young Man Murmurs At Cloud had been declared lost at sea. “Why should I?” he shrugged. “Shouts at Cloud has said mean things about me, and also about Vlad. As far as I’m concerned, all his children can drown.”

“I hear they tossed some rubber ducks out there; maybe he can grab one of those,” Mongo added. He then invited the reporters—drawn exclusively from the ranks of Breitbart, Fox, Stormfront, and Sputnik—to return later that evening, “when we’ll be grilling some Muslims. It’ll be tremendous, beautiful, the best. Bring the kids.”

Doctor No

The Twitler administration has mounted a vigorous defense of its ban on travel from seven majority-Muslim nations, saying it is necessary to prevent terrorists from entering the United States. But the ban, now blocked by a federal judge, also ensnared travelers important to the well-being of many Americans: doctors.

Foreign-born physicians have become crucial to the delivery of medical care in the United States. They work in small towns where there are no other doctors, in poor urban neighborhoods and in Veterans Affairs hospitals.

Forty-two percent of office visits in rural America are with 3aa2fd7700000578-3958970-image-a-1_1479772495452foreign-born physicians, according to the American Academy of Family Physicians.

Across the United States, more than 15,000 doctors are from the seven Muslim-majority countries covered by the travel ban, according to The Medicus Firm, a firm that recruits doctors for hard-to-fill jobs. That includes almost 9,000 from Iran, almost 3,500 from Syria and more than 1,500 from Iraq.

Dr. Hooman Parsi, an oncologist so talented that he has an O-1 visa granted to individuals with “extraordinary ability or achievement,” was to start seeing patients on Wednesday in San Bernardino, Calif.

A federal judge in Seattle lifted the administration’s travel ban on Friday, and a federal appeals court has declined to restore it. Yet Dr. Parsi is still stuck in Iran, waiting for a delayed visa amid the confusion while his American employer fumes.

“We need him desperately,” said Dr. Richy Agajanian, the managing partner of the Oncology Institute of Hope and Innovation, which had just hired him. “We had an office completely constructed—we spent three months on it, and it was supposed to open Feb. 1. Now we can’t open it. This is really sad and frustrating.”


So He No Longer Needs To Hide

In her Senate confirmation hearing, [Resident Trayf’s education secretary nominee Betsy DeVos] responded to a question about compliance with the federal Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA) by saying, “I think that is a matter that’s best left to the states.” Sen. Tim Kaine (D-Va.) pressed her: “So some states might be good to kids with disabilities and other states might not be so good, and then what? People can just move around the country if they don’t like how their kids are being treated?” DeVos repeated: “I think that’s an issue that’s best left to the states.”

In a follow-up letter, she wrote—after no doubt doing some homework—that she is “committed to enforcing all federal laws and protecting imrs-1-phpthe hard-won rights to students with disabilities.” And yet she went on to praise a voucher program that incidentally requires families to give up special education due-process rights they are given under the IDEA law.

As we learned while living as American expats in Asia, when decisions about special education are unregulated or left to “choice,” students and their families can end up with few viable options.

My son was diagnosed with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) and autism spectrum disorder in July, during a trip to the United States that included ice cream with cousins, hiking a mountain and four days of neuropsychological testing. In the parlance of American educators and psychologists, he is “twice exceptional”—intellectually gifted but impaired by developmental, social and behavioral disabilities. The diagnosis was no surprise; we knew this long before professionals provided a label for his idiosyncratic behaviors. His toddler vocabulary included words like “momentum.” At 7, he concluded that time travel is possible by extrapolating the speed of light. He “takes pictures” with his mind and solves math problems by “seeing numbers.” And yet the commotion and noise of public places can destabilize him. His brain, body and nervous system are in perpetual overdrive, flooding his system with the stress of “fight or flight” impulses.

The neuropsychologist asked us how soon we could move back to the States.


When I Worked

May 2017
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