(continued from here)
12:53 p.m. The older he gets, the less concerned is “Bob Dylan” with concealing the fact that he is a space alien. Consider the accompanying photograph. Probably soon he will just let his antennae sprout. No one who writes something so precise and exact as “the ghost of electricity howls in the bones of her face” could be wholly of this world. Anyway, Dylan has pronounced the black man victorious. Since he is no doubt in tune with the extraterrestrials who assembled this year’s clown car of Republican presidential candidates, we can trust that he knows what he is talking about.
1:03 p.m. Fox Radio News just cannot stop reporting, every hour on the hour, that while Captain Underpants is flapping through Pittsburgh, vainly flailing to assemble his mutant coalition of Three Mile Meltdown survivors and albino Appalachian banjo-pickers, the black man is playing basketball. The glow-in-the-dark racists of Fox need to emphasize this, in an attempt to emphasize his blackness, his otherness, his utter unsuitability to serve as president of this nation founded by and for slave-holders. Founded by and for the people of Fox.
But of course Obama is playing basketball. Anything you want to know about him, can be found in the clip below.
2:02 p.m. Galicia Malone voted this morning at New Life Church precinct in Thornton, Illinois. She was in labor at the time, contractions coming five minutes apart. For most of the lifetime of the United States, Malone would not have been permitted to vote, as she is a woman. She is also black. Which means that for much of the lifetime of America, odds are good that not only would she not have been considered a human being, but she would have been owned by someone like Mitt Romney. Malone voted for Obama.
2:13 p.m. Paul Ryan is on the Sean Klannity radio show. Ryan is what the real live boy version of Pinocchio would look like, if we were a child molester. Ryan is best known for proposing a “fiscal” redesign of America that would result in great gobs of dead people. This doesn’t seem to concern him. For Christmas, he should be visited first by Jacob Marley, and then by the ghosts of Christmas past, present, and future. Klannity is dumb as two rocks, and so has been happily blathering all afternoon as if the GOoPers are victoriously marching on a road of bones. Ryan perceives Reality, and so his voice says it all: I am the Loser.
2:37 p.m. The loser cavalcade continues on the Klannity radio show. Now there is George Allen. He was once intended as the GOoPer 2008 presidential nominee, until in his 2006 Virginia US Senate re-election effort he let his racist freak flag fly, and referred to an Indian-American attending one of his rallies as “macaca.” Virginia voters decided they did not wish to be represented by someone with a burning cross tattooed on his forehead, and so threw him out. Today he is trying to retake that Virginia senate seat, but he is a Loser. Allen is dumb as dirt, and a stone racist; he kept a Confederate flag and a noose in his office. He and Klannity are made for each other. They should enter into a same-sex marriage.
5:02 p.m. Both Kentucky and West Virginia have gone for Captain Underpants. No surprise there. The only possible way in this particular universe that either state would have gone for the black man is if all the white people therein had been raptured up to hebbin some time on November 5.
5:13 p.m. The Los Angeles Times surmises that the money people are having a Cry. Four years ago, the financial-services industry supported Destry over Old Man Shouts At Cloud. This year, however, the wheelbarrows rolled instead to the rag doll. Seems some 77% of the monies shoveled forth from Wall Street have gone into the Underpants. This includes funds from Ass Backwards’ number one contributor, Goldman Sachs, which four years ago favored the black man. No longer. Bank of America, Morgan Stanley, JP Morgan, and Credit Suisse also luvs them some Underpants.
Money people are so sad. As Anthony Peyton Porter this week wrote:
The political news that seeps into my awareness makes it clear that money determines the winner, which means that the capitalists will always win because only capitalists are allowed to run. If money isn’t the most important thing in the universe to you, then it’s too bad for you and your delusions. You’re out of touch with reality.
Of course, quite the opposite seems to be the case, that our happiness and satisfaction have nothing to do with money, ours or anybody’s.
Anthony should know. He recently lost his wife.
5:23 p.m. I suppose the Americans could reflect that it could be worse. Shortly after the Roman Empire went in for the emperor thing, whenever the nation needed a new Daddy—the previous one usually having been assassinated—mobs of drunken soldiers would get together to yell and shout and shake their shields, and settle thereby on a successor.
5:34 p.m. Very soon now, the lights will go out for Captain Underpants. He will be alone in the dark, and he will have a Sad. He will must needs return to a life of baptizing dead Hebrews, strapping the dog to the roof of the car and driving glumly across the land, and tripping his pregnant daughter-in-law in order to win a footrace. Meanwhile, his spawn will have to make their way into the world, where they do not do at all well.
During his approximately one-year tenure with the Dodgers, insiders described [Tagg Romney] as everything from a “very nice guy who was just in way over his head” to a “vacuous-eyed, transparent political appointment.”
His one claim to previous sports marketing was at Reebok, where he was something called vice president for on-field marketing. One Dodgers official said they later learned his primary responsibility was to watch NFL and NBA games, counting how many times Reebok was mentioned or its logo caught on camera.
5:40 p.m. The polls have been closed for about five seconds, but already it is clear that the endowed penis has plowed to victory in Alabama, Arkansas, Georgia, Indiana, Kentucky, Mississippi, Oklahoma, South Carolina, Tennessee, and West Virginia. This is so because the Mormon Member is opposed by a black man, who would be eschewed by the peoples of these states even if his opponent were some sort of fearsome combo of John Wayne Gacy, Wile E. Coyote, and Vlad the Impaler.
Meanwhile, the Normal American takes a look at that list of states, and wonders: what do they have there that is even worthwhile?