Archive for November 19th, 2017

Let Him Have His Friend

I suppose condominium associations must serve some useful purpose. Maybe. All I know, is that whenever I hear about them, it is because they are bonering.

Take these nutgongs in Clearwater Beach, Florida, on jihad because a human is cohabiting in his condo with a squirrel.

Ryan Boylan, a human, and Brutis, a squirrel, were blown around together during Hurricane Matthew, and have since become good friends. “Ever since then, I mean, oh my God, I can’t imagine not being around her,” Boylan says.

In April, Brutis was chased up a tree by some dog. Instead of responding to this Outrage by wondering “why are there dogs?”, an officious snitch ratted out Boylan to the condo association, damning him as a wanton scofflaw harboring an “exotic animal.” Now the condo hitlers seek to evict both Boylan and Brutis, forcing them to live like winos in a leaky cardboard box under the freeway.

Boylan could marry Charles Manson, or even Mongo, and bring him into the unit, no questions asked. But a squirrel in the house causes these condo bozos to besiege Boylan’s abode like it’s the Bastille.

“If it was a gerbil or something that your grandkid had hiding under the bed, I’m sure that would be fine, but a squirrel is a wild animal,” said one condo hitler.

So what, that a squirrel is a wild animal. Mongo is a wild animal, and he is the president!

Manson would stick forks in the neighbors, and Mongo grab them by their gonads and make them insane with his twitlers, yet they could live in the condos. Brutis presents no such Menace, but “is just like an inside cat,” Boylan says. “She just walks around and hides pecans and hazelnuts, which are her two favorites.”

“I am not sure how any animal that weighs less than two pounds can harm anyone,” says Boylan.

Mongo weighs more than four countries, and hourly harms every creature on the planet, and yet he can be in the condos, especially the ones he rents to Rooskis. Manson likes to draw on the walls with human blood, and he could be in a condo.



Sunday Morning, Going Down

When I Worked

November 2017
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