U Bum Proposes NFL “Compromise”

U Bum, the mean, nasty, ignorant old cracker who is president of the American white people, has in recent days sought to deflect attention from the Reality that he is a Rooski by assailing those black athletes, toiling on the plantation of the National Football League, who have chosen to kneel during the pre-game singing of “The Star-Spangled Banner” to protest the fact that in their country the police commonly beat and shoot black people, for No Reason, and Whenever They Feel Like It.

U Bum has convinced his hooting, grunting cultists that these athletes, through this act, are in truth deliberately disrespecting 24-nfl-protests-bills-med.w710.h473serial killers—those deeply disturbed individuals who enlist in the United States military so they can travel the world killing people and breaking things.

Because they are dumber than dirt, neither U Bum, nor any of his Roids, know, or care, that the kneeling was actually suggested as the form of protest by a former serial killer—as that man explains in the Trevor Noah video embedded below. For: “soldiers take a knee before a fallen brother’s grave, to show respect.” (It is true that U Bum, and all of his Roids, will never credit anything that comes from Noah, as Noah is not only a black man, but a foreigner black man.)

U Bum believes publicly fellating some hoary old tuneless ditty, penned by a rich white slaveowner who believed blacks are “a distinct and inferior race of people, which all experience proves to be the greatest evil that afflicts a community,” and which celebrates bombs and killing and slavery and shit, is more important than actual living black people. So too believe his mouth-breathing millions of Roids.

But when U Bum publicly burst his pustule about the uppity black men, hundreds of NFL athletes, as well as coaches, owners, anthem-singers, and the like, responded by kneeling, linking arms, refusing to emerge from the locker room, and other demonstrations that clearly communicated that the mere thought of U Bum makes them projectile vomit, blowing chunks farther than any of them can throw, run, or kick a football.

U Bum, seeking, as ever, to emerge The Winner—and bigly!—has 852946620.0now proposed what he terms a “compromise”: all the players must stand for the old white racist national anthem, but the black players can, and in fact should, kneel for the singing of what U Bum calls “that timeless Negroid national anthem—’Ol’ Man River.’

“We know it is a Negrified national anthem, because it was sung by that famous communist Negro Paul Robeson, who should have been thrown in a dungeon, like all these uppity football players,” U Bum said. “And while the song will be pleasing to the Negroes, because of the Robeson connection, it also has all these wonderful lyrics, that are all about Making America Great Again, that will satisfy the real people. Lyrics like these:”

darkies work while de white folks play
gittin’ no rest till de judgement day

don’t look up
an’ don’t look down
you don’ dast make
de white boss frown
bend your knees
an’ bow your head
an’ pull dat rope
until you dead

o’ man river
dat ol’ man river
he mus’ know sumpin’
but don’t say nuthin’
he jes’ keeps rollin’
he keeps on rollin’ along

U Bum stated that the song must be cut off there, “because some of the rest of it is unholy terrorism about getting out from under the white man, which is not in keeping with Making America Great Again.”

U Bum said the black players can agree to this compromise, “or they can go to Guantanamo.”

“We need to get back to the good old days!” U Bum chundered.

And all his many millions of Roids, they cheered: “Yeah! What he said!”

“U Bum! U Bum! U Bum!”

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