How I Became Mutant

Science Men have determined that all the humans with blue eyes descend from a single individual who went mutant sometime around 6000 years ago.

“Originally, we all had brown eyes,” says Science Unknown-1Man Hans Eiberg, referencing the numbingly boring and stultifyingly sterile eons before the advent of blueness. “This is what is meant by, ‘and the earth was without form, and void, and darkness was upon the face of the deep.'”

But then there in Europe a woman mutated her OCA2 gene, putting the brakes on the melanin flowing into her eyes. Only some of the melanins did she allow to seep into her eyes, rather than all of them. And thus were made her brown eyes, blue.

The woman’s name was Crystal Blue Persuasion, and she passed on her mutation to her children, of which today there are approximately 300 million.

“The question really is,” asks Science Man John Hawks, “‘Why did we go from having nobody on Earth with blue eyes 10,000 years ago, to having 20 or 40 percent of Europeans having blue eyes now?'” And he answers: “This gene does something good for people. It makes them have more kids.”

Say what? Somehow Hawks, nor any other Science Man, then did explain just how it is that blue eyes cause the humans to go fruitful, and multiply.

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3 Responses to “How I Became Mutant”


  1. 1 sally September 22, 2017 at 7:19 pm

    ah –the sad thing is science says there will be fewer and fewer blue-eyed people? I have my and grandson — and you (?) Also, red-heads will soon be fewer and fewer… But hey, as the world is going right now, we all may be FEWER AND FEWER….

    • 2 bluenred September 22, 2017 at 7:25 pm

      Where does it say there will be fewer blue-eyed people? Is this some Mongo decree? ; (

      I am blue-eyed, and also left-handed. A travel advisory has been issued warning left-handed people with blue eyes not to attempt to traverse the Mongo regions, lest they be seized and burned as witches.


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