Baboon Addresses United Nations

As the humans continue to evolve, they are increasingly recognizing the rights of creatures other than themselves.

Thus, a New York judge recently granted a writ of habeas corpus to two chimpanzees seeking to free themselves from medical experiments at some torture facility on Long Island.

Similarly, and also in New York, the United Nations this week bobopermitted a baboon to address those delegates assembled.

The baboon displayed many aggressive behaviors—screeching, yawning, showing his teeth—but was prevented by main force from grabbing and biting the female delegates, as baboons are wont to do.

The baboon identified himself as Mongo, Supreme Leader of the United States, and the general consensus was that the animal is rabid. In his address, the baboon shrieked that he would “totally destroy” a nation of 25 million people, North Korea, and also threatened to go ape in the nations of Cuba, Venezuela, and Iran. He ceaselessly thumped his chest about his “biglys,” and keened endlessly about “nationalism,” “sovereignty,” and other concepts embraced only by those with shoe-sized IQs. He quoted from some baboon book about how “if the righteous many do not confront the wicked few, then evil will triumph.” He screamed that all the mud people must stay away from the shores of his baboonery, so as not to soil the whiteness of his United States.

At one point the baboon said: “The government masks a corrupt dictatorship behind the false guise of a democracy. It has turned a wealthy country with a rich history and culture into an economically depleted rogue state whose chief exports are violence, bloodshed and chaos. The longest-suffering victims of its leaders are, in fact, its own people.”

Goodness, those assembled murmured. He’s talking about himself, and his own country.

Then all those assembled commenced singing “Whiskey River Take My Mind” at top volume, so they would not have to hear any more badness. The baboon continued to screech, into the helpless void.

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2 Responses to “Baboon Addresses United Nations”


  1. 1 sally September 21, 2017 at 9:58 am

    an insult to the baboons of the world!

    • 2 bluenred September 21, 2017 at 12:20 pm

      The baboon spends lots of time sitting on his buttocks. Baboons tend to do what they want when they want. Their chattering can sound very loud and chaotic. They don’t allow females to venture too far. There are many fights as well. There are times when they seem to be consistent trouble-makers. They consume a variety of insects as well as small animals.”

      This, is Mongo.


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