Whiter House: Delay In Signing Bill Mean To Vlad Because Mongo “Still Learning How To Write”

The Whiter House today said the delay in Mongo signing the bill Mean To Vlad was due to the fact that “Mongo is still learning how to write. He is not yet able to fully form letters in the English language, or in any other.”

It has long been known that Mongo does not know how to read; this was the first public acknowledgement that he is also unable to write.

“Mongo never had time to learn to read and write,” the 400-pound guy on the bed explained. “He was too busy Making America Great flat,550x550,075,f.u3Again by enriching first the New York mob and then Rooski mobsters, while meanwhile constructing the ugliest buildings in the history of architecture.”

When reporters protested that they had previously witnessed Mongo signing various executive orders—such as those abolishing homos, and erecting coal-fired plants in every National Park—the 400-pound guy on the bed said “that never happened. That is a false memory. Mongo has never before signed or written anything. He only today learned how to form the letter ‘d.'”

The bill Mean To Vlad was approved 98-2 in the Senate and 419-3 in the House. It provides that Mongo may not give the United States to the Rooskis without first obtaining congressional approval. The bill reflects the fact that everyone in Congress knows Mongo is owned and controlled by the Rooskis. To date, Congress has proved unwilling to explicitly state that, as it is just too embarrassing, to admit that the president is a Rooski.

In signing the bill, Mongo issued two crazed foaming statements straight out of brain syphilis.

Although Mongo knows less about the United States Constitution than a dung beetle, he chunders that the bill includes “a number of clearly unconstitutional provisions,” and vows that he will spray urine on the bill at all times “in a manner consistent with the President’s constitutional authority to conduct foreign relations.” He tantrums that “Congress could not even negotiate a healthcare bill after seven years of talking,” and projectile-vomits that “I built a truly great company worth many billions of dollars. As Resident, I can make far better deals with foreign countries than Congress.”

The 400-pound guy on the bed said the delay in signing the bill Mean To Vlad was also due to Mongo having to undergo emergency putin-trump_zpseon27vtasurgery to remove Scarepooch’s tongue from Mongo’s prostate.

“During his days of service, Scarepooch had his tongue fully extended up Mongo’s sphincter, and it become lodged in Mongo’s prostate,” the 400-pound guy on the bed explained. “When Scarepooch was removed from duty, by being shot in the forehead by Order Man, he had to be extricated. It is hard for the resident to faithfully execute his office, with a dead Italian hanging from his ass.”

Scarepooch will go down in history for the extraordinary feat of being fired before he was hired. He is a time tunnel.

The 400-pound guy on the bed said everyone in the Whiter House is relieved that Scarepooch has been removed from Mongo’s anus, “because we all like to get a lick in too, and Scarepooch was hogging the place.”

The 400-pound guy on the bed said that, for her, personally, “there ain’t no sunshine,” unless “I can begin the day by plunging my tongue up Mongo’s bunghole.”

The 400-pound guy on the bed denied published reports that after decades of intercourse with Rooski mobsters Mongo’s anal canal is now “as wide as an interstate highway.”

“That is just more lies, from reporters who need to be barbecued” she said. She asserted that “precise Measurements have been taken,” and in truth the anal canal “is only as wide as a country road.”

“And you know,” she said. “You can feel it.”

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