Archive for July 27th, 2017

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Confirmed: New Mongo Hire Has Rabies

“Who leaked that to you?”

“What I’m going to do is, I will eliminate everyone in the comms team and we’ll start over. I ask these guys not to leak anything and they can’t help themselves. You’re an American citizen, this is a major catastrophe for the American country. So I’m asking you as an American patriot to give 27-anthony-scaramucci.w710.h473.2xme a sense of who leaked it.”

“Is it an assistant to the President? Okay, I’m going to fire every one of them, and then you haven’t protected anybody, so the entire place will be fired over the next two weeks.”

“I’ve asked people not to leak things for a period of time and give me a honeymoon period. They won’t do it.”

“They’ll all be fired by me. I fired one guy the other day. I have three to four people I’ll fire tomorrow. I’ll get to the person who leaked that to you. Reince Priebus—if you want to leak something—he’ll be asked to resign very shortly. Reince is a fucking paranoid schizophrenic, a paranoiac.”

“I’ve called the F.B.I. and the Department of Justice.”

“The swamp will not defeat him. They’re trying to resist me, but it’s not going to work. I’ve done nothing wrong on my financial disclosures, so they’re going to have to go fuck themselves.”

“I’m not Steve Bannon, I’m not trying to suck my own cock. I’m GettyImages-820387368not trying to build my own brand off the fucking strength of the President. I’m here to serve the country.”

“What I want to do is I want to fucking kill all the leakers and I want to get the President’s agenda on track so we can succeed for the American people.”

“This is going to get cleaned up very shortly, okay? Because I nailed these guys. I’ve got digital fingerprints on everything they’ve done through the F.B.I. and the fucking Department of Justice.”

“Well, the felony, they’re gonna get prosecuted, probably, for the felony. The lie detector starts—”

“Yeah, let me go, though, because I’ve gotta start tweeting some shit to make this guy crazy.”

—Scarepooch, to Ryan Lizza

When I Worked

July 2017
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