Mrs. Mongo Vol. III Likes When The Blood Spouts From The Micropenis

There in the Whiter House, it began like any other morning, when you are a Mongo: snorting mounds of methamphetamine, crank-surfing the television, grunting gutturally as daughter Lolita orally creepy-mongo1ministers to the micromember.

Then, there on the television: a woman, and Mean to Mongo!

Nothing makes a man feel better than making a fake cover of a magazine about himself, lying every day, and destroying the country. It’s a good feeling.

He’s covering his hands here, because they’re teensy.

At which point Mongo strokes out.

When Satan returns him to his body, in a matter of seconds, and for about the 3456th time, Mongo cuffs Lolita aside, rising to his feet, his flab jelloing menacingly, and shouts: “Scumbino! Get over here! I need you to kill that bitch!

There are, as per usual, several members of the innermost Anal Trust in the room: Mommy, praying fervently in the corner, and secretly fondling his gonads; The Nazi, pacing determinedly, breaking in a new pair of jackboots; Cabbage Spine, guzzling his morning kool-aid, flavor Mellow Yellow, before going out to berate the enemies of the people; Put The Gargoyle In The Microwave, wonderingly poking her fingers into her wounds; Rinse Pubis, still winded from delivering downstairs to the Whiter House kitchen this week’s gross of Muslim babies, which shall there be reduced to the “special sauce” Mongo pours over his KFC; Dum Scumbino, criminal keeper of the Mongo twits.

Trembling, Scumbino pulls forth his twit machine, and then, after a moment’s reflection, fashions a twitler appropriate for the social-media director of the Resident of the United States:

#DumbAsARockMika and lover #JealousJoe are lost, confused & saddened since @POTUS@realDonaldTrump stopped returning their calls! Unhinged.

But Mongo is unpleased. “Fool!” he roars. “Idiot! It’s not nearly rude enough, and there are not nearly enough lies!

Assume the position!” Mongo screams.

Wetting himself in fear, Scumbino scurries over to Mongo, and throws himself, dribbling, prostrate on the floor. Mongo at once fires LiveLeak-dot-com-846_1495921303-trumptoytruck_1495921415.jpg.resizedup the golf cart, clambers aboard, and proceeds to spend the next thirty minutes driving over Scumbino, back and forth, back and forth, there in the Oral Orifice.

“Now, I’ll show you how it’s done,” Mongo pants, pouring his poundage out of the cart. He grabs Lolita roughly round the neck, hurling her to her knees, forcing her mouth to again embrace his miniscule member, and then whips out his twit machine, and commences twitlering:

I heard poorly rated @Morning_Joe speaks badly of me (don’t watch anymore). Then how come low I.Q. Crazy Mika, along with Psycho Joe, came..

…to Mar-a-Lago 3 nights in a row around New Year’s Eve, and insisted on joining me. She was bleeding badly from a face-lift. I said no!

The deed done, he turns to Cabbage Spine, screeching: “Get Huckleberry out there! Tell her to remind them I’m God!

Huckleberry, a mutant offshoot of Cabbage Spine, and recently identified as the fabled miscreant “sitting on their bed who weighs 400 pounds” that Mongo insists was solely responsible for any 2016 electoral diddling, dutifully pounded down to Pravda, and there verspoken:

Look, I don’t think that the resident’s ever been someone who gets attacked and doesn’t push back. There have been an outrageous number of personal attacks, not just to him but to frankly everyone around him. People on that show have personally attacked me many times. This is a resident who fights fire with fire and certainly will not be allowed to be bullied by liberal media and the liberal elites with the media or Hollywood or anywhere else.

I think what’s necessary is to push back against unnecessary attacks on the resident both personally—I have seen far worse things come sanders_cockblocks_mccarthyout of that show. Again, directed not just at the resident but everyone around him, personal attacks, mean, hateful attacks. And, again, this resident is not going to sit back and not push back and he’s going to fight fire with fire, and I think that’s exactly what he did.

Mongo next went to the telephone, and rang up his current wife, Mrs. Mongo Vol III. “Support me!” he yelled down her earhole. “Or I’ll deport you!

Mrs. Mongo Vol. III was busy fucking her bald lover at the time, so she passed the task on to Stephanie Grisham, Mrs. Mongo Vol. III’s press factotum, a decidedly odd woman who writes on citrus and unnerves canines. This dogsbody was herself then involved in trying to arrange a threesome with an orange and a Pomeranian, so she simply told CNN:

As the First Lady has stated publicly in the past, when her husband gets attacked, he will punch back 10 times harder.

Since Mrs. Mongo Vol. III has previously stated that she will dedicate her First Ladydom to combating the scourge of cyberbullying, a reporter who later in the day ran into Mrs. Mongo Vol. III in a Mongo Tower shop, where Her Mongodom was purchasing new douchebags, asked the illegal alien how she squared this campaign with the fact that her husband is the biggest cuberbully in the history of the intertubes.

“Fucks off and die,” Mrs. Mongo Vol. III snarled.

Mrs. Mongo Vol. III later went on Pravda to “clarify” this remark.

“I am of course in sympathy with the bitch with the blood-lift on her faces,” she said. “People say I do not support the melania-trump-showing-naked-boobs-while-girl-hugging-her-from-behind-825x550women, but of course this is the liaring, because everyone knows I loves to be the naked and have the sexes with the womens, and even make with the pictures of me doing it!

“And I have nothing against the liftings,” she went on. “I myself have had my face lifted mores than Jack LaLanne lifted the weights! It don’t even move any mores, my faces! Mongo, he likes his womens to look like their faces have been in horrible car accidents, and then reassembled by a surgeons hallucinating on the jimson weeds, and so that is why me and Lolita looks likes we do! It is to be pleasing hims!

“But the womens cannot be mean to Mongo, especially on the televisions, which is all that he reads, or Mongo, he will kick them in the balls!” she stressed. “The blood-face should just be glad that she was not shot in the head in the elevator, or in the back on the street, like happens to the people who say the Meannesses about our Vlad. Vlad has many times suggested this to Mongo, but Mongo so fars has confined the blood just to the twitlers!”

Mrs. Mongo Vol. III added that she “doesn’t mind” when Mongo starts flinging the blood about, “because it is turnings me on.

“Not that that means I’ll be fuckings him!” she hastily added. “That’s Lolita’s job.

“And she’s welcomes to it,” Mrs. Mongo Vol. III shivered.

French President Emmanuel Macron has meanwhile announced that The World has decided to adopt Mongo’s theory of “fighting fire with fire” and “punching back ten times harder,” and that is why Macron has invited Mongo to France for Bastille Day.

“We will then have various historical re-enactments,” Macron said. “One will involve the guillotine. We will place Mongo’s head beneath the blade, and then we will cut it off.”

Macron said the head would then be mounted “on one of those $_35German WWI helmets with the spikes,” and placed on display in the Louvre. A special surcharge will be levied on those who wish to view it, and Macron says “my financial people tell me that through this we will raise enough money to retire the country’s entire debt, and in less than ten days.

“The Americans are always lying that they have ‘saved France,'” Macron said. “In this case, that will at least be partially true.”

Macron said he has been assured by his country’s best doctors that the beheading “will cause no real harm,” as “Mongo never uses his head anyway.” According to Macron, “the physicians say that as long as his spleen and his bile remain intact, he will be able to function as he normally does.”

Everyone in the world wants to see this happen,” Macron said. “And so, we are making it happen.”

Macron conceded that his plan could conflict with that of Great Britain, which, after Mongo earlier this month twitlered that the mayor of London is a dirty, greasy Mooslem who hugs bombs, determined that Mongo would be permitted a state visit to that country only on the condition that his head be sawed off and thrust on a spike on London Bridge.

“Maybe we can share the head,” Macron suggested. “We can embalm it, and toss it back and forth across the Channel, on some rotating basis.”

Macron added that if Mongo eschews visits to both France and Britain, “we will then turn to the Germans.

“As is well-known,” Macron explained, “the Germans went through a period where they would periodically leap in the tanks and rampage for a thousand miles. Fortunately, they have since reformed. And the world is grateful. However, the world now agrees that Mongo is such a Menace and a Danger that it is perhaps incumbent upon the Germans to, at least for a brief period, and for a specific purpose, un-reform. I have spoken to Chancellor Merkel, and she is in agreement on this. That is why her party recently withdrew its tumblr_m9hzexTMr51rzphkzo1_r4_500opposition to gay marriage; they recognize that everyone will be needed, there in the tanks.”

Macron said the Germans in the tanks will be put on boats, which will then make for Mongo. He said that “literally one-hundred percent” of the world’s boat-owners have agreed to donate their craft to this project; “in less than five minutes, we had more boats than Dunkirk,” he marveled.

Macron stressed that none of the Americans will be harmed, as the boats with the tanks will proceed directly up the Potomac; then the tanks shall disembark from the boats, and then the Germans within the tanks, they shall seize Mongo.

Asked how a massive armada of Germans in tanks in boats could possibly cross the Atlantic without detection by the Mongos, Macron explained that scientists in Spain have now perfected a “Dumb Ray,” synthesized from the brain cells of the MongoRoids. “This Ray convinces people not to see what is really there, and to see what is not really there,” Macron said. “Thus, the Mongos will never perceive the Germans in the tanks in the boats. They will see instead but whales and seals and gulls.”

Macron said that once Mongo is removed from the Whiter House, he will be delivered unto Jeff Bezos, who has long promised to shoot Mongo into space.

“We have received from the intergalactic council a one-time exemption to the prohibitions against infusing space with deadly toxins,” Macron said. “All beings, in all universes, see here the necessity.”

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