Archive for June, 2017

Mrs. Mongo Vol. III Likes When The Blood Spouts From The Micropenis

There in the Whiter House, it began like any other morning, when you are a Mongo: snorting mounds of methamphetamine, crank-surfing the television, grunting gutturally as daughter Lolita orally creepy-mongo1ministers to the micromember.

Then, there on the television: a woman, and Mean to Mongo!

Nothing makes a man feel better than making a fake cover of a magazine about himself, lying every day, and destroying the country. It’s a good feeling.

He’s covering his hands here, because they’re teensy.

At which point Mongo strokes out.

When Satan returns him to his body, in a matter of seconds, and for about the 3456th time, Mongo cuffs Lolita aside, rising to his feet, his flab jelloing menacingly, and shouts: “Scumbino! Get over here! I need you to kill that bitch!

There are, as per usual, several members of the innermost Anal Trust in the room: Mommy, praying fervently in the corner, and secretly fondling his gonads; The Nazi, pacing determinedly, breaking in a new pair of jackboots; Cabbage Spine, guzzling his morning kool-aid, flavor Mellow Yellow, before going out to berate the enemies of the people; Put The Gargoyle In The Microwave, wonderingly poking her fingers into her wounds; Rinse Pubis, still winded from delivering downstairs to the Whiter House kitchen this week’s gross of Muslim babies, which shall there be reduced to the “special sauce” Mongo pours over his KFC; Dum Scumbino, criminal keeper of the Mongo twits.

Trembling, Scumbino pulls forth his twit machine, and then, after a moment’s reflection, fashions a twitler appropriate for the social-media director of the Resident of the United States:

#DumbAsARockMika and lover #JealousJoe are lost, confused & saddened since @POTUS@realDonaldTrump stopped returning their calls! Unhinged.

But Mongo is unpleased. “Fool!” he roars. “Idiot! It’s not nearly rude enough, and there are not nearly enough lies!

Assume the position!” Mongo screams.

Wetting himself in fear, Scumbino scurries over to Mongo, and throws himself, dribbling, prostrate on the floor. Mongo at once fires LiveLeak-dot-com-846_1495921303-trumptoytruck_1495921415.jpg.resizedup the golf cart, clambers aboard, and proceeds to spend the next thirty minutes driving over Scumbino, back and forth, back and forth, there in the Oral Orifice.

“Now, I’ll show you how it’s done,” Mongo pants, pouring his poundage out of the cart. He grabs Lolita roughly round the neck, hurling her to her knees, forcing her mouth to again embrace his miniscule member, and then whips out his twit machine, and commences twitlering:

I heard poorly rated @Morning_Joe speaks badly of me (don’t watch anymore). Then how come low I.Q. Crazy Mika, along with Psycho Joe, came..

…to Mar-a-Lago 3 nights in a row around New Year’s Eve, and insisted on joining me. She was bleeding badly from a face-lift. I said no!

The deed done, he turns to Cabbage Spine, screeching: “Get Huckleberry out there! Tell her to remind them I’m God!

Huckleberry, a mutant offshoot of Cabbage Spine, and recently identified as the fabled miscreant “sitting on their bed who weighs 400 pounds” that Mongo insists was solely responsible for any 2016 electoral diddling, dutifully pounded down to Pravda, and there verspoken:

Look, I don’t think that the resident’s ever been someone who gets attacked and doesn’t push back. There have been an outrageous number of personal attacks, not just to him but to frankly everyone around him. People on that show have personally attacked me many times. This is a resident who fights fire with fire and certainly will not be allowed to be bullied by liberal media and the liberal elites with the media or Hollywood or anywhere else.

I think what’s necessary is to push back against unnecessary attacks on the resident both personally—I have seen far worse things come sanders_cockblocks_mccarthyout of that show. Again, directed not just at the resident but everyone around him, personal attacks, mean, hateful attacks. And, again, this resident is not going to sit back and not push back and he’s going to fight fire with fire, and I think that’s exactly what he did.

Mongo next went to the telephone, and rang up his current wife, Mrs. Mongo Vol III. “Support me!” he yelled down her earhole. “Or I’ll deport you!

Mrs. Mongo Vol. III was busy fucking her bald lover at the time, so she passed the task on to Stephanie Grisham, Mrs. Mongo Vol. III’s press factotum, a decidedly odd woman who writes on citrus and unnerves canines. This dogsbody was herself then involved in trying to arrange a threesome with an orange and a Pomeranian, so she simply told CNN:

As the First Lady has stated publicly in the past, when her husband gets attacked, he will punch back 10 times harder.

Since Mrs. Mongo Vol. III has previously stated that she will dedicate her First Ladydom to combating the scourge of cyberbullying, a reporter who later in the day ran into Mrs. Mongo Vol. III in a Mongo Tower shop, where Her Mongodom was purchasing new douchebags, asked the illegal alien how she squared this campaign with the fact that her husband is the biggest cuberbully in the history of the intertubes.

“Fucks off and die,” Mrs. Mongo Vol. III snarled.

Mrs. Mongo Vol. III later went on Pravda to “clarify” this remark.

“I am of course in sympathy with the bitch with the blood-lift on her faces,” she said. “People say I do not support the melania-trump-showing-naked-boobs-while-girl-hugging-her-from-behind-825x550women, but of course this is the liaring, because everyone knows I loves to be the naked and have the sexes with the womens, and even make with the pictures of me doing it!

“And I have nothing against the liftings,” she went on. “I myself have had my face lifted mores than Jack LaLanne lifted the weights! It don’t even move any mores, my faces! Mongo, he likes his womens to look like their faces have been in horrible car accidents, and then reassembled by a surgeons hallucinating on the jimson weeds, and so that is why me and Lolita looks likes we do! It is to be pleasing hims!

“But the womens cannot be mean to Mongo, especially on the televisions, which is all that he reads, or Mongo, he will kick them in the balls!” she stressed. “The blood-face should just be glad that she was not shot in the head in the elevator, or in the back on the street, like happens to the people who say the Meannesses about our Vlad. Vlad has many times suggested this to Mongo, but Mongo so fars has confined the blood just to the twitlers!”

Mrs. Mongo Vol. III added that she “doesn’t mind” when Mongo starts flinging the blood about, “because it is turnings me on.

“Not that that means I’ll be fuckings him!” she hastily added. “That’s Lolita’s job.

“And she’s welcomes to it,” Mrs. Mongo Vol. III shivered.

French President Emmanuel Macron has meanwhile announced that The World has decided to adopt Mongo’s theory of “fighting fire with fire” and “punching back ten times harder,” and that is why Macron has invited Mongo to France for Bastille Day.

“We will then have various historical re-enactments,” Macron said. “One will involve the guillotine. We will place Mongo’s head beneath the blade, and then we will cut it off.”

Macron said the head would then be mounted “on one of those $_35German WWI helmets with the spikes,” and placed on display in the Louvre. A special surcharge will be levied on those who wish to view it, and Macron says “my financial people tell me that through this we will raise enough money to retire the country’s entire debt, and in less than ten days.

“The Americans are always lying that they have ‘saved France,'” Macron said. “In this case, that will at least be partially true.”

Macron said he has been assured by his country’s best doctors that the beheading “will cause no real harm,” as “Mongo never uses his head anyway.” According to Macron, “the physicians say that as long as his spleen and his bile remain intact, he will be able to function as he normally does.”

Everyone in the world wants to see this happen,” Macron said. “And so, we are making it happen.”

Macron conceded that his plan could conflict with that of Great Britain, which, after Mongo earlier this month twitlered that the mayor of London is a dirty, greasy Mooslem who hugs bombs, determined that Mongo would be permitted a state visit to that country only on the condition that his head be sawed off and thrust on a spike on London Bridge.

“Maybe we can share the head,” Macron suggested. “We can embalm it, and toss it back and forth across the Channel, on some rotating basis.”

Macron added that if Mongo eschews visits to both France and Britain, “we will then turn to the Germans.

“As is well-known,” Macron explained, “the Germans went through a period where they would periodically leap in the tanks and rampage for a thousand miles. Fortunately, they have since reformed. And the world is grateful. However, the world now agrees that Mongo is such a Menace and a Danger that it is perhaps incumbent upon the Germans to, at least for a brief period, and for a specific purpose, un-reform. I have spoken to Chancellor Merkel, and she is in agreement on this. That is why her party recently withdrew its tumblr_m9hzexTMr51rzphkzo1_r4_500opposition to gay marriage; they recognize that everyone will be needed, there in the tanks.”

Macron said the Germans in the tanks will be put on boats, which will then make for Mongo. He said that “literally one-hundred percent” of the world’s boat-owners have agreed to donate their craft to this project; “in less than five minutes, we had more boats than Dunkirk,” he marveled.

Macron stressed that none of the Americans will be harmed, as the boats with the tanks will proceed directly up the Potomac; then the tanks shall disembark from the boats, and then the Germans within the tanks, they shall seize Mongo.

Asked how a massive armada of Germans in tanks in boats could possibly cross the Atlantic without detection by the Mongos, Macron explained that scientists in Spain have now perfected a “Dumb Ray,” synthesized from the brain cells of the MongoRoids. “This Ray convinces people not to see what is really there, and to see what is not really there,” Macron said. “Thus, the Mongos will never perceive the Germans in the tanks in the boats. They will see instead but whales and seals and gulls.”

Macron said that once Mongo is removed from the Whiter House, he will be delivered unto Jeff Bezos, who has long promised to shoot Mongo into space.

“We have received from the intergalactic council a one-time exemption to the prohibitions against infusing space with deadly toxins,” Macron said. “All beings, in all universes, see here the necessity.”

Easy To Slip

Twin Peaks has become a common shorthand description for darkly comic and surreal TV shows. Do you see that influence out there in the world?
No. I don’t see it at all.

What do you think people mean when they say something is “like Twin Peaks”?
It probably means something more about the person 18947451_428616074178480_1283020689682464768_nmaking the comparison than it does about Twin Peaks.

Do you find it frustrating to be asked questions about Twin Peaks?
Nothing bothers me about it. People want to know. I just can’t tell them.

What are you obsessive about?

Is there anyone you talk to about your work?
No. I do it.

After being away from the world of Twin Peaks for so long, was it hard to find your way back into the atmosphere of the show and the minds of the characters?
It was just like rolling off a log.

Is that a good thing or a bad thing?
It’s a very good thing, David. It’s hard to stay on a log. It’s easy to roll off.

Climb Every Mountain


Woke Up It Was A Meth Nose Morning

woke up it was a mongo morning
and the first thing that i saw
was the nutbag with his twitler . . . .

The reason that President Obama did NOTHING about Russia after being Donald Trump & Vladimir Putin • Shirtless Manly Mennotified by the CIA of meddling is that he expected Clinton would win..

…and did not want to “rock the boat.” He didn’t “choke,” he colluded or obstructed, and it did the Dems and Crooked Hillary no good.

The real story is that President Obama did NOTHING after being informed in August about Russian meddling. With 4 months looking at Russia…

..under a magnifying glass, they have zero “tapes” of T people colluding. There is no collusion & no obstruction. I should be given apology!

Last Go Round

“It’s usually a big dark room, and there’s this woman onstage with this beautiful, rich, velvety rosalie1voice who’s telling you this story or singing you a song, and then she stops and she tells a little story, and then the song continues. It’s like you’re sitting around a campfire and there’s this great wise shaman. And it completely transports you out of yourself.”

She wrote this one up at Kesey’s place, sitting around a campfire, after he’d told the tale, that would become his final novel: Last Go Round.

Ours Is Not A Normal World


Where You Should Not Go

Mongo Confess Micropenis


Mongo Hire New Lawyer


Medicine Man

PCN-carrie-fisher-jef-161227_13x16_1600So they say that Carrie Fisher had coca, opiates, and ecstasy in her system, at the time that she died.

Of course.

Mongo had recently been elected the president.

It is a wonder there is any Medicine at all, left in this country.

On The Street Where You Live

There Is No Line

I think it is the job of a comedian to cross the line at all times—because that line is not real.

If you step out into that spotlight and you’re doing the crazy things that [Mongo is] doing, we’re the last line of gettyimages-578330212defense. And really, the comedians are the last voice of truth in this whole thing. It’s impossible to get away from it.

I had a dream the other night I was playing golf with Mongo. I was standing beside him with a club in my hand, and I was considering my options when I suddenly woke up.

It was one of those dreams where you just want to get back to sleep so you can finish it, you know?

Jim Carrey

Et Tu

Determined thespians are every night stabbing Mongo to death in the park, and everywhere Roid bowels are loudly exploding.

Mr. Eustis has said he decided to schedule Julius Caesar as the first of this summer’s Delacorte productions on election night in November. It was already his favorite of the Shakespeare tragedies, and it did not take much of a leap to envision the title role as a Trump precursor. The character as written is vain, self-serving and demagogic, cynically manipulating the whiplash passions of his followers.

Mr. Eustis has added just three words 6a00d83451586c69e201b7c88f507f970b-320wito the text. The line “If Caesar had stabbed their mothers, they would have done no less” has been updated by the insertion of the words “on Fifth Avenue” before the comma. The audience roars.

The febriles at Fox swooned that the play “appears to depict President Trump being brutally stabbed to death by women and minorities,” mobilizing armies of ululating knuckledraggers to brutally bang on doors and make the sponsors have the bedwetting.

The enemies of the people at the New York Times are staying strong, though, not withdrawing their funding: they like that Mongo is being nightly stabbed.

Mongo Jr. hoots like a chimp on the twitler, demonstrating once again that the pea of his brain is no larger or functional than his father’s:

I wonder how much of this “art” is funded by taxpayers? Serious question, when does “art” become political speech & does that change things?

All art is political speech, you mushbrained imbecile.

So I am thinking: what if everyone who is in the government made Leaks, and everyone who is not in the government made Art With Knives?

Could Mongo maintain?

Stop Making Sense

“Yes, I’m angry. Yes, I’m outraged. Yes, I have thought an awful lot about blowing up the White House.”

Madonna Louise Ciccone

“I want to burn the White House Down, find somewhere in Kurdistan to live. Ha-ha!”

Reality Leigh Winner

“But I know that this won’t change anything. We can’t fall into despair. As the poet W.H. Auden once wrote on the eve of World War II, we must love one another or die. I choose love. Are you with me? Say this with me. We choose love. We choose love. We choose love.”

—Madonna Louise Ciccone

You are what you love, not who loves you. Be truthful, gentle, and fearless.”

—Reality Leigh Winner

Mongo Pee-Friend Vlad No Want Wimmins, Homos

Rockhead camera operator Oliver Hardy Stone is preparing to explode a 62-hour intestinal hemorrhage, one blatting endless encomiums to Vlad The Impaler, the Mongo of the Urals.

Several turdlets from this spastic colon recently splashed into some tubes, and there we learned, once again, that Mongo, and his pee friend Vlad, they are indeed soul brothers.

For, like Mongo, Vlad enhanced-buzz-15938-1374675317-19lives in fear of the wimmins, horrifying creatures who have blood coming out of their wherevers.

“I am not a woman, so I don’t have bad days. I am not trying to insult anyone. That’s just the nature of things. There are certain natural cycles.”

Both “men” are terrified of vaginas. They should be surrounded by menstruating women at all times. They would climb the walls, and beg for mercy.

Vlad is also afraid a Homo will Touch him, and then he would have to Use the Judo:

But asked if he’d take a shower in a submarine next to a gay man, the Russian leader replied, laughing: “Well, I prefer not to go to the shower with him. Why provoke him? But you know, I’m a judo master.”

Once Vlad and Mongo are weeping openly from their fear and trembling of the menstruating women, they will be stripped and shoved into a bathhouse, as Bette Midler sings at top volume. It will be right and meet.

Mongo Make Book



Mongo’s beef with millennials, women, whistleblowers, Kremlin enemies, winners, and reality has just found its perfect expression.

Amanda Katz


RUSSIAN MILITARY INTELLIGENCE executed a cyberattack on at least one U.S. voting software supplier and sent spear-phishing emails to more than 100 local election officials just days before last November’s presidential election, according to a highly classified intelligence report obtained by The Intercept.

The report indicates that Russian hacking may have penetrated further into U.S. voting systems than was previously understood. It states unequivocally in its summary statement that it was Russian military intelligence, specifically the Russian General Staff Main Intelligence Directorate, or GRU, that conducted the cyber attacks described in the document.

This NSA summary judgment is sharply at odds with Russian Czar Vlad The Impaler’s lie last week that Russia had not interfered in foreign elections: “We never engaged in that on a state level, and have no intention of doing so.”

A 25-year-old federal contractor is facing charges she leaked a classified National Security Agency document to a news outlet in May.

Reality Leigh Winner, of Augusta, Ga., is facing charges that mongo headshe removed classified material from a government facility and mailed it to a news outlet. She was arrested on Saturday and appeared on the charge Monday.

Winner worked for Pluribus International Corporation and was assigned to a government facility in Georgia. She’s held a top secret classified security clearance since being hired on Feb. 13.

The announcement came shortly after The Intercept published a report based on a classified intelligence document showing Russian government hackers attempted to hack more than 100 local election officials before the November election.

On a positive note, this Tuesday when we become the United States of the Russian federation, Olympic lifting will be the national sport.

Reality Leigh Winner, November 5, 2016

On people invading Augusta for Master’s week: They’re bringing drugs. They’re bringing crime. They’re rapists. And some, I assume, are good people.

Reality Leigh Winner, April 2, 2017

The last post on her Facebook on June 2 said: “You are what you love, not who loves you.”

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When I Worked

June 2017