The first thing one notices about Mongo’s press secretary is that he is a Cabbage Patch Kid.
This makes perfect sense, as no actual human being could possibly go to the podium to there daily recite and defend the Mongo mountain of lies, without his head exploding.
So Mongo, like the devil, went down to Georgia. And there rummaged around Babyland General Hospital, until he grubbed up a Cabbage Patcher he figured suitable for the job.
He named this doll “Sean Spicer,” but we’re not going to be having any of that here. Here, he shall be known as Cabbage Man.
Yesterday morning Cabbage Man caused much perplexity among the press people, when, while monitoring his twit feed, they noticed he had sent out twits reading “Aqenbpuu” and “n9y25ah7.”
At first the pressters theorized these twits were a result of “butt-dialing”: that is, that phenomenon whereby the lard of the gluteous maximus activates a pocketed electronic device, without the brain engaged at all.
Then they decided instead that Cabbage Man had bumblingly exposed to all the world his password, which is just exactly what any of the morons employed by the Mongo moron should be expected to do.
Cabbage Man was attempting to log into his Twitter account on his computer, and (wisely) has a two-factor authentication system. In that system, when he tries to log in on his computer, after entering his password, he gets a code texted to his phone. Typically, he can take that code, enter it into his computer and tweet away — typically by communicating Mongo administration policy, arguing with reporters, or blasting Dippin’ Dots.
But, the theory goes, in these two instances, Cabbage Man erred. Instead of using the texted code on his computer, Cabbage Man accidentally replied to it with his password. Twitter has a system that automatically allows people who connect their phone numbers to their account to tweet via SMS messages. And so when he sent his password, his Twitter account thought that was actually a message he was trying to send out.
Boom, “Aqenbpuu” it is.
That’s a nice theory. But the truth of it is that “Aqenbpuu” and “n9y25ah7” are words in the Cabbage Patch Kid language. Cabbage Man, in his new job, is lonely. And he was reaching out, there with his twit machine, trying to get in touch with some other Cabbage Patch Kids.
Informed sources indicate that Cabbage Man has since been made witting of Cabbage Blendr, and so such boners shall henceforth be more appropriately directed.