Archive for December 16th, 2016

Spy Vs. Spy

That the CIA and the FBI are apparently at odds over the question of whether the Rooskis monkeyed with the 2016 presidential election, and, if so, to what extent, and for what purpose—this is not surprising. Because the two agencies could not be more different from one another. And the agents of each, wish the agents of the other, would all be put to sleep.

The FBI consists of Mormon tabernacle choirboys. They do not know what is going on even in their own anal canals. They spy_vs_spy___the_laptop_by_cluny91-d6s5rqushould never have been tasked with “intelligence,” as they don’t possess any. The FBI agent is dimly capable of regarding a bag full of body parts, and then, after several months of investigation, concluding, “this person may be dead, and it is possible it is not a suicide,” but that’s about it. The FBI choirboys could never countenance the Clinton woman, as she is supposed to be home waiting to receive her husband’s endowed penis, rather than trying to run a White House.

The CIA folks, they are amoral Yalies. They do know what is going on; they have to, in order to fuck it up. They absolutely will not put up with The Monster, a creature of chaos, who, in the immortal words of Preston Sturges, is a cross between a werewolf and a ferris wheel. If there is going to be chaos, the company boys will generate it—that’s their job—not some dim-bulb yeehaw scientifically proven to be dumber than dirt. The CIA people will oust their own directors, if they get out of line—see, most recently, Porter Goss, who tried to go after the agency analysts; David Petraeus, who wanted them all to be counterinsurgency cowboys—and so they are not going to put up with some assbag who is merely the president. They will try first to bring him down with information; if that doesn’t work, they will go to the conch shells.

The company boys, they understand that even The Monster’s very fingertips, they are a threat to national security; recently, there in the meth hour, up in his tower, The Monster snorted into his twit machine a luluing string of imbecilities about the Chinese. Who immediately flew into a frenzy. They went to the secure phones, did the Chinese, and commenced there to ceaselessly scream at the Obama people, demanding to know why The Monster couldn’t be purged and deposed and tried and convicted and all of his wealth seized and then his person run through the streets, with bells on, so the people could loudly beat gongs and shriek and throw garbage at him, like in 68ba3375238e6aea7ce58ee10bf0689ca normal country, like theirs. The Chinese started angrily flying nuke bombers over their new sandbars, bitterly denouncing The Monster as a person “out of the question” and “ignorant as a child,” yelling about selling great boatloads of weapons to people the Americans don’t like. Then, this morning, the Chinese snatched out of the water a US oceanographic survey drone, bellowing that it had mosied too close to one of their sandbars.

“Alright, that’s enough,” said one company boy, to another. “Here—what do you think about this conch shell? It’s gilded, and chintzy as hell. He’ll never be able to resist it.”

Information. Conch shells. Whatever it takes.

UPDATE: FBI Director James Comey has apparently been shown the photographs of himself and the duck in the bed, because it is now said his agency concurs with the CIA that the Rooskis introduced a foreign substance that polluted the purity of the essence of the Americans’ precious electoral bodily fluids.

UPDATE II: The Chinese say they snatched the drone to punch the howling Trump imbecile in the face: “If Trump and the American government dare to take actions to challenge the bottom line of China’s policy and core interests, we must drop any expectations about him and give him a bloody nose.”

METHDATE 12/17/16 7:59 p.m. EST: Brainless lunatic pours mass quantities of Panzer powder up his noseholes and twits: “We should tell China that we don’t want the drone they stole back.- let them keep it!”

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