Reality Theater

Humans who travel to faraway cities seem these days compelled to snap photographs documenting the fact that they personally have Been There.

Thus, Andreas “You Can Go Now” Lubitz, go nowwhen he journeyed to San Francisco, posed hisself in front of the Golden Gate Bridge.

A problem with such photographs is that they rarely accurately evince the Reality of the landmarks depicted.

For instance, the Golden Gate Bridge, upon anyone sentenced to actually driving the thing, has in recent decades imprinted itself as a horrifying hell-ride. As Hunter S. Thompson once expressed it:

Driving the bridge has never been safe, but in recent years—ever since it became a sort of low-tech Rube Goldberg experiment for traffic-flow specialists—it has become a maze of ever-changing uncertain lanes and a truly fearful experience to drive. At least half of the lanes are always blocked off by flashing lights, fireballs and huge generator trucks full of boiling asphalt and crews of wild-eyed men wearing hard hats and carrying picks and shovels.

They are never gone, and the few lanes they leave open for what they call “civilian traffic” are often littered with huge red Lane Markers that look like heavy iron spittoons and cause terror in the heart of any unwitting driver who doesn’t know theyreal are rubber . . . . Nobody wants to run over one of those things, except on purpose, and in that case you want to take out a whole stretch of them, maybe 15 or 18 in a single crazed pass at top speed with the door hanging open.

Thus, a photograph revealing the True nature of the bridge, would look something more like that seen above.

Meanwhile, can anyone explain to me why Germans are allowed to pilot aircraft? It seems to me that after their behavior in airplanes from 1936-1945, Germans would be prevented from flying planes for, oh, the next thousand years or so.

In China too, humans want the folks back home to know they’ve Been There. And so they would pose against a city skyline, as photographic Proof.

Problem is, in China, these days, cities don’t have skylines.

This is because, Mao long flushed down the memory hole, the nation now run by capitalist roaders who live and breathe but to fellate money, there is no longer any sky over China’s cities. All the air there, it has been replaced by filth.

But, not to worry. For enterprising entrepreneurs now make it possible for visitors to China’s cities to pose against photographs of China’s cities. Photographs that depict the cities with actual air in the sky, rather than shit. Photos portraying, like, the Ideal city, rather than the Real one.

So, like, let a thousand photos bloom.


2 Responses to “Reality Theater”

  1. 1 sally March 29, 2015 at 8:47 am

    oh, oh, I am NOT much into reality these days –it’s too real for me to handle– BUT I still like this bit. –you so often express MY feelings — Thank you — Namaste —xoxox

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