Wife-Shooting Police Chief Resigns To “Spend More Time With My Family”

Back in January red recounted the sorry tale of William McCollum, police chief of Peachtree City, Georgia—golf-cart capital of the world—who blearily awoke New Year’s Day to find his Glock service weapon had, at around four in the morning, unaccountably run wild in the bed, and twice shot Margaret McCollum, one of The Chief’s four ex-wives.

As recounted then, on a 911 call McCollom was heard to let's get shotcalmly explain that “the gun was in the bed, I went to move it to put it to the side, and it went off.”

“She’s starting to have trouble breathing now,” McCollom says on the call, “so it must be internal.”

Now, more than three months later, Margaret McCollum is paralyzed from the waist down, and The Chief has elected to resign his duties, stating “in light of the recent tragedy in my personal family, I need to continue to focus my time and efforts there.”

The Chief, for allowing his gun to twice run amok and thereby paralyze one of his ex-wives, will apparently be charged only with “reckless conduct,” a misdemeanor.

As was previously set forth here: in the family of states, Georgia is the demented uncle who, as everyone else is preparing to sit down for dinner, suddenly drops his drawers and begins wildly masturbating.

The truth of this may be seen in the emissions of Peachtree City Manager James Pennington, who barked that Probably Only Negroes would want The Chief brought up on more serious charges, as “the members of the department have continued to do an amazing job amid the national publicity, speculation, and negativity toward law enforcement that this tragic accident has generated over the past two months. I know put. put.Council joins me in thanking Will for his service. He and Maggie have our best wishes and heartfelt prayers as they focus on her journey back to health.”

The story of The Chief has changed some since the initial reports of his Glock achieving sentience and then Satanically drilling big bloody holes in one of his ex-wives for No Reason.

Today, for instance, we known that The Chief guzzled alcohol and popped pills before slipping into sleep about 9:30 p.m.

During the night, he was awakened by barking dogs, got out of bed and took his service weapon from its holster on a dresser and checked the house.

“Finding nothing, he returned to bed and placed the gun under the sheets beside his body and Mrs. McCollom’s,” according to the statement. “He was awakened by the sound of a single gunshot.”

Apparently his Glock had conceived an unreasoning Hate for the ex-chief-wife and determined that holes needed to be made in her body.

A forensic analysis confirmed that the gun had been fired from under the sheets and a wound on McCollom’s right hand confirmed that his palm blocked a spent shell from leaving the gun[.].

[Griffin Judicial Circuit District Attorney Scott] Ballard said investigators found no evidence that McCollom intended to harm Margaret. However, the prosecutor said the shooting could have been avoided.

Well, duh. Like not bringing your freaking gun to bed, that would have helped. Also would have helped, would be not having a gun at all.

But for sure oh no We Can’t Have That, leastways not in Georgia. For that is the state that in 2014 sanctified the Safe Carry Protection Act, partyfamiliarly known as the “Guns Everywhere” law, which blesses the carrying of loaded firearms into bars, churches, schools, airports, libraries, and government buildings, and prohibits law enforcement officers from inquiring of gun-bearers whether they are licensed to carry their killing machines.

Surely, then, guns must also go into the bed. No matter whether a man might know what they’re doin’ or thinkin.

But, in the end, what I wanna know, here, now, is if a guy has blazed through four wives, and has shot and paralyzed at least one of them, and he lives in a state that more or less requires that one or more guns be grafted to a man’s pee-pee, and if he is Known to guzzle booze and pop pills, and has a history of his guns blowing holes in people for No Reason and with No Real Explanation, if this guy decides he needs to “spend more time with my family,” shouldn’t that family hightail it the fuck out of the state, go into witness protection, and disappear from this yeehaw now and forever?

There is also This. The gun of The Chief was only able to blow holes in ex-wife Margaret because an earlier ex-wife had shortly before discovered that The Chief was plugging his pee-pee into a vagina that was not hers—the earlier ex-wife’s—and so she threw him out, and The Chief then Returned to Margaret.

What if The Chief then discovered that Margaret’s vagina was entertaining pee-pees other than his own? His Glock may then have decided it Needed to go off on a “Hey Joe” jihad of Vengeance and Honor, in order to Protect and Defend the pee-pee of The Chief.

Not guilty, then, it would be, the shooting and the paralysis—across so much of Male Land—by reason of insanity, of the pee-pee.

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