Brave New World

Some kind of geek patrol down in Australia monikered MYOB has released a Horror Report called “Future Of Business: Australia 2040” . . . apparently because it wants all Australians to be so filled with Fear and Terror they will unceasingly baby big handdrink mass quantities until the entire continent is covered with a slick and frothy carpet of chunder.

According to these Wrongos, “all manner of business interactions will continue to be formalised, automated and digitised.” Humans will commute via jetpack to giant warehouses where they will work in holograms with their brains chipped and their bodies swarming with nanobots, and if they get paid at all it will only be “within closed networks, with major corporations able to create and manage their own money.”

We here at red have obtained a secret annex to this report, which provides photographic examples of the sort of mutant humans the MYOBs envision populating this Brave New World.

First, up there to the right, we see a baby engineered with a massive arm and hand, so that it can manipulate heavy levers and such; such babies thereby able to enter the workforce before they can even walk or talk.

Next, just there below, we see a baby with adult leg babylegs, so that it can rapidly run up and down the endless aisles of the giant warehouses, retrieving and then passing Buy Junk objects on to the giant-hand babies, so that the objects can then be loaded on Carts, to next be whiz-banged to some dock, where they will go into jetpack trucks to be delivered to Somewhere.

Reportedly these sorts of mutant babies are already at work in various Amazon warehouses across the globe.

For millennia it has solely been women who have been burdened with the dangerous and laborious task of bearing new humans.

In the Brave New World, all this will be changed, as men will be engineered so that they can sprout babies from the exterior of their bodies. As the babies grow, the men will continue to work.

Eventually the sprouted babies man sprouts babywill fall off, to get jobs of their own, and the re-engineered men will then sprout more sprouts.

An example of this process, with a man bearing a baby just about ready to fall off and go to work somewhere, may be seen there to the right.

Among the many Problems currently facing the humans is that they are subjecting the planet to a doody OD: that is, they are overburdening the world’s sewage systems with their poop and pee. Also, to grow their food, the humans rely too much on chemical fertilizers, which in turn rely too much on petroleum products, which are pretty soon going to be nowhere to be found.

To counter these twin Calamities, the MYOBs have engineered animal/human hybrids. The top part of the hybrid will be a human, but the bottom part will be some sort of animal.

With this wonderment, sewage systemshybrid will be obviated, because animals don’t use toilets. Instead, when the hybrids have to go, they will go out into the yard, and go there. Where they go, they will grow things. Which they will eat. The poop and pee of the hybrids will thereby replace the chemical fertilizers, which will no longer be necessary.

An example of such a human/animal hybrid, chopping peppers, peppers fertilized by her own poop and pee, may be viewed there to the left.

Finally, a lot of the humans think it is a bummer that they have to die. Therefore, the MYOBs have developed a system whereby the heads of old people can be lopped off and grafted onto baby bodies.

In  this way, all the Knowledge of how to commute via jetpack to giant warehouses to work in holograms with brains old headchipped and bodies swarming with nanobots, will be retained in the shriveled old-people heads, while the young and fresh baby bodies will enable the Old Heads to continue to be Productive for many more decades.

An example of this old head/baby body graft may be viewed there to the right. This Old Head is actually on its third baby body, and thus has been able to Work and be Productive for more than 100 Continuous years.

This is all Real and you are All going to Like it.


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When I Worked

February 2015
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