Archive for January 28th, 2015

Mayor: “Beijing Is Not A Livable City”

Cities are wrong, and they are all going to be put to sleep.

Wang Anshun, mayor of Beijing, knows this. And so, last Friday, he told China Youth Daily: “Beijing is not a livable city.”

Currently 21.5 million people livemove in Beijing. That is 21,450,000 more people than is Sane.

Wang admitted that there is no longer air in Beijing. There is, instead, poison.

Wang, a former official in the state-controlled petroleum sector and in north-west China’s Gansu province, said the pollution was caused by its distribution of polluting factories and skyrocketing ownership of motor vehicles. In his speech, he demanded that Beijing’s polluting factories shut down entirely rather than “irresponsibly relocate” to neighbouring areas of Hebei and Tianjin.

In 2014, Beijing authorities closed 392 companies for causing pollution and took 476,000 old vehicles off the roads, Wang said.

He added that despite the choking pollution, Beijing’s biggest problem was population control, claiming the influx of migrant labour put strains on the city’s infrastructure. The city has 21.5 million residents and is growing at a rate of more than 350,000 a year.

People are killing themselves, living there.

As doctors tended the patients snaking through the ground floor of Beijing Children’s Hospital last week, it wasn’t the raspy throats and watery eyes caused by the city’s acrid air that concerned Li Pu most. It was the potential for lifelong lung damage and behavioral changes.

Li, a pediatrician focusing on early childhood development, is finding evidence of the cumulative toxic effect that pollution is having on children. It suggests that the acute sickness triggered this year by some of Beijing’s worst smog-cloaked days may be a prelude of chronic illnesses, such as heart disease, decades later.

Cities are wrong, and they are all going to go.

When even your mayor pronounces your city “not livable,” it would seem time to get out.


Meth Mouth Vs. Falafel Fondler

While farting out his show Tuesday night, Ted Baxter, noted falafel-fondler, mentioned that Meth Mouth, a colossally stupid woman up in Alaska who shoots speed in both arms all day and all of the night, can not really be taken tedseriously as a 2016 presidential candidate—not even among the ludicrous screaming meemies clambering daily aboard the GOoPer clown train.

Baxter opined that Meth Mouth’s professed interest in the presidency is but a form of “reality show,” and offered that she and Donald Trump—the well-known bankrupt wind-blown wig—would “certainly liven up the proceedings, but they need effective organizations in 50 states, and that’ll be a major challenge for them.”

Meth Mouth herself heard this, because she never sleeps, and is always watching the television. So she loaded up on some particularly powerful Panzer Powder, and then, screaming into the earhole of an assistant to Sean Klannity, dumbest man on Fox, demanded that she be permitted to appear on Klannity’s meth womanshow that very night, in order to respond to Baxter.

And lo, she so appeared.

And, brain shorting out on her beloved meth, said, among other things, this:

“On Fox, kind of a quasi or a an assumed conservative outlet, and we have all day listening to the Ts of Bill O’Reilly.”

“He’s talking about, the guests on his show tonight or oh the commentary on his show, and that would be oh all these GOP contenders thinking about running for President, like Donald Trump, Sarah Palin and he names them off. He says, ‘Oh what a reality show that would be, yuck, yuck.’

“Well the left doesn’t do that, okay they take the serious because this is war and hopefully the media, even the quasi, right side of the media, won’t be looking at this as some kind of reality show, a joke because maybe they have theirs so it’s they’re taken care of. They’re fine.

“No, the people of America deserve the best and competition through a GOP primary, whether a Bill O’Reilly or somebody else assumes a reality show or not, they deserve that competition to surface the competitor who can take on Hillary or whomever it may be and win for this country.”

The horror. The horror.

Polar Bear Penises Are Melting

Stunned and sorrowful are Science Men, having determined that polar bear penis bones are shriveling and snapping, due to the human penchant for plastics.

[E]xperts have warned that chemical pollutants may be help me spockreducing the density of the bears’ penis bones.

This puts them at risk of breaking their penis, which could have disastrous consequences for mating and the survival of the endangered species.

A team of scientists led by Christian Sonne at Aarhus University, Denmark, has found that a certain type of pollutant called polychlorinated biphenyls (PCBs) is associated with a less dense penile bone.

They have previously shown bears that have high levels of pollutants named organohalogens, such as PCBs, in their bodies, have smaller than average penis bones and testes.

PCBs were used to make paints and rubber goods in the 1930s, but were banned in 2001 after scientists discovered they can cause cancer.

Because they break down slowly, they can still be found in the Arctic, meaning that animals such as polar bears are especially at risk.

In the wake of this Horror, informed sources have told Bedlam News that Clinton II, the death’s-head recently disqualified as a Democratic Party candidate for president, has laid in truly massive amounts of PCBs, intending to administer them in huge doses to her husband, Mr. Death’s-Head, in order to render reasonably quiescent his rampaging Clenis.

When I Worked

January 2015
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