Putin Puppet Proclaims Russian People Shall Eschew Electricity, Food, To Protect Der Leader

Russian Deputy Prime Minister and shameless kleptocrat Igor Shuvalov went down to Davos this weekend to warn that people better bugger right off Vladimir Putin, the current Russian tsar, because “when a Russian feels any foreign pressure, he will never give up his leader. Never. We will survive any hardship in the country, eat less food, use less electricity.”

Damn.

Russian food, as is well known, consists go get emprimarily of potatoes, and things that are pickled. Also, vodka.

It is significant that Shuvalov did not promise that the Russian people would stop drinking, in their drive to Protect the President.

As for electricity, more than most of that is generated by resources stolen from the Siberian people.

Around the time that other European peoples were clambering aboard boats to cross the great water and there steal the Americas, Russians began pouring over the Urals, to snatch with greedy grasping hands Siberia. Native Siberians were told to get lost, just as native Americans were. Today, the region is violated by innumerable techno-whiz-bang dumberments ceaselessly extracting this and that, dumberments that can never be switched off, because if they were, they would freeze solid, and never come back on again.

It is true that some Russian electricity is generated by nuclear devices, but these have a tendency to blow up or sink. That is because they are relicts of the era when Russia was run by men—Brezhnev, Andropov, Chernenko—who were either functionally or literally dead.

It was during this epoch, for instance, when Russian bicycles were famously built of cement.

There then came a brief six-year period of light, when the nation was helmed by Mikhail Gorbachev, who, in the histories, will go down as pretty much unique, in deliberately declining to exercise the powers available to him, allowing events to take their course, and so he presided over the dissolution of an empire.

But Gorbachev was rudely shoved aside by the lumbering hot damndrunkard Boris Yeltsin, who famously shelled his own parliament, and sold his country into Hell.

Today the tsar is Putin, veteran KGB disinformation officer and Yeltsin protege. A pitiable closet case whose zealous rejection of his own homoerotic tendencies manifests in such denialist madness as appointing to head the 2300-employee Rossiya Segodnya cum Sputnik News the babbling 12th Century baboon Dmitry Kiselyov. Who believes gay people who die in car accidents should have their hearts and other internal organs burned or buried, so as not to be inadvertently transplanted into The Normal People; that in the libertine homo-overrun Sweden “at age 12 there is already child impotency”; and that a 22 year-old murdered Russian, in coming out as gay, “provoked” his own slaying.

And Shuvalov thinks the Russian people are going to starve themselves in the darkened streets for such people.

Right. Sure they are.

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