Archive for January 21st, 2015

Orange Boner Invites Looney Tune To Throw Tantrum In Playpen

Speaker of the US House of Representatives Orange Boner has invited Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu to travel to Washington next month and there throw a public tantrum before both houses of Congress assembled.

Boner issued the invitation just hours after The Black Man in orange boner manhis 2015 State of the Union address vowed to veto any new sanctions against Iran that might ooze out of the primordial swamp that is the new Republican-controlled Congress.

“[Obama’s] exact message to us was: ‘Hold your fire.’ He expects us to stand idly by and do nothing while he cuts a bad deal with Iran. Two words: ‘Hell no!'” Boner ejaculated. “We’re going to do no such thing.”

As is well-known, and as has been exhaustively documented here on this site, the Republicans of this country hate The Black Man with a passion and fury unprecedented in the nation’s history. That is why Turtle Scrotum, today Senate Majority Leader, announced immediately after the The Black Man’s election in 2008 that he and all the other stalwarts of the Confederate States of America would firmly oppose absolutely anything and everything proposed by The Black Man, no matter how worthy. Up to and including nominating Jesus H. Christ to the United States Supreme Court.

The Black Man is currently involved in negotiations to peacefully resolve the question of Iran obtaining nuclear weapons. Because The Black Man is for this, the Republicans are instead for the opposite. They are, to put it simply, for war.

Enter Netanyahu. The man’s older brother, Yonatan, was killed during the 1976 raid on Entebbe. Ever since then, Netanyahu has wanted all brown people to dry up and blow away. Netanyahu is these days possessed of a particular Fear that the brown people of Iran may make a nuke bomb; his country, Israel, only owns and controls somewhere between 75 and 400 of the things, and in some realm of mentally divergent thought that embarrassmentmakes no sense to me, it is Wrong for Iran to have a nuke bomb, but Right for Israel to have 3 or 400 of them.

In his ceaseless jihad against Iran, Netanyahu previously embarrassed the entirety of the human race with a 2012 speech before the United Nations, in which he flourished drawings right out of a Roadrunner and Wile E. Coyote cartoon. Immediately after this unbelievable display, all extraterrestrials in any and all universes agreed, for their own protection, to remain an additional 50 parsecs away from the Earth, and all its works.

Now Orange Boner has invited Netanyahu to bring his bent roadshow to the United States Congress. Where he may be expected to weep and wail and rend his garments, and perhaps throw up more insipid yeehaw illustrations, thundering against any “solution” to the Iran nuke thingie that does not involve reducing that country to a smoking sheet of molten glass.

Now, it is true that, ordinarily, Republicans do not like Jews. Regular red readers may recall when Orange Boner funneled money to, and publicly campaigned on behalf of, fellow GOoPer Rich Iott, a certified freak who likes to dress up like a Nazi and “re-enact” robberGerman stormtrooping “victories” of World War II.

However, and particularly when it comes to the Middle East, Republicans dislike brown people even more than they dislike Jews.

And they particularly dislike the brown people of Iran. Because that nation made monkeys out of all the many Dudley Do-Rights of the Reagan administration during the Iran-Contra fiasco.

Ronald “Where’s The Brain Of Me?” Reagan was an animatronic device constructed by the Walt Disney Corporation, one that Republicans today worship as a god. However, in recent years the Reagan device has transformed into a zombie, and is now pursuing an eccentric orbit robbing people at gunpoint in Florida.



The Democratic National Committee announced Wednesday that Clinton II would not be permitted to seek that party’s nomination to the presidency, because she is a cruel, heartless death’s-head who glories in the extinguishment of human beings.

“This is just not what we want to about,” DNC spokesperson Yail Bloor told reporters. “Let the Republicans be the party of Thanatos. One such party is enough.”

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