Old Men Shout At Clouds

Rupert Murdoch is a crotchety old hairball who has dedicated his life to destroying, across three continents, the very idea of “news.”

“I want a tearaway paper with lots of tits in it,” he told editor Larry Lamb upon acquiring The Sun. That about sums it up.

Murdoch these days embarrasses the entire solar system by refusing to act his age, which is roughly that of the printing press: he has taken to marrying infants, and he eschews the communication methods of his youth, like the Pony Express and the hand-crank telephone, in favor of be-staining the tubes with twits. And so it was last Friday, murdoch townwhen he twitted the following brain fog: “Maybe most Moslems peaceful, but until they recognize and destroy their growing jihadist cancer they must be held responsible.”

In response, Australian biologist Aaron Hill, relying on the very most advanced Science Man knowledge, classified Murdoch as a “growing pus sore,” in a twit that read: “Maybe all Australians lovely but until we recognize and destroy the growing pus sore that is Rupert Murdoch we must be held accountable.”

Author J. K. Rowling, who with Voldemort has no little experience with snake-heads like Murdoch, twitted: “I was born Christian. If that makes Rupert Murdoch my responsibility, I’ll auto-excommunicate.” She added: “The Spanish Inquisition was my fault, as is all Christian fundamentalist violence. Oh, and Jim Bakker.”

Murdoch no doubt has a great Hate for Rowling, as she was a single mother on the dole who created and inscribed a liberal humanist pagan alternate universe, one which the people so value they’ve rewarded her financially to such an extent she was able recently to purchase the entirety of Scotland.

Not to be outdone by his boss, Fox News nincompoop Steve Emerson flapped on to the television to ululate:

“In Britain, it’s not just no-go zones, there are actual cities like Birmingham that are totally Muslim where non-Muslims just simply don’t go in.

“And, parts of London, there are actually Muslim religious police that actually beat and actually wound seriously anyone who doesn’t dress according to religious Muslim attire.”

This outburst was so at variance with Reality, it nearly caused British Prime Minister David Cameron to be hospitalized. “When I heard this I choked on my porridge. I thought it must be April Fool’s Day,” Cameron said. “This guy is clearly a complete idiot.”

Complete idiocy is more or less a job requirement, when working for Rupert Murdoch. For the goal of all of Murdoch’s “news” operations is to render the people Dumb and Scared. It helps if, like Emerson, you yourself are Dumb and Scared to begin with.

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