Upon A Thousand Hills

Last year there were a lot of daffodils, but not a lot of iris.

This year there were almost no here today, gone tomorrowdaffodils, but now there is a lot of iris.

I have no idea why this is. Because no one is talking.

When you are a red and transparent bearded dragon, and you are really relaxed, sleeping at night, up there on your sticks, you just let your front legs totally hang down.

I now have three wicker rocking chairs, and two wicker non-rockers.

I am The Wicker Man.

When you are zebra finches, you are real easy about what is “daylight.”

If somebody turns a light on where you are, you come out of your nest and start klacking around, as if it is the dawn.

Humans should not take advantage of this. They can muck up their own sleep schedules, but they should not discombobulate these Klacks.

If you are trying to grow outside various different-one plants, and you go to the intertubes, to attempt to learn what deer will not eat, you cannot, in the more pleaseend, trust anything that you read.

For there is only one thing, for sure, that no deer, anywhere, will not eat, and that is cement.

Squirrels get a bad reputation among humans because most humans only observe squirrels on the road. Where they zig and zag back and forth in front of incoming automobiles.

This leads humans to believe that squirrels are brainless. But they are not.

A lot of Bad Animals want to eat squirrels. Squirrels cannot outrun many of these Bad Animals. But they can confuse and frustrate the fuck out of them, by zigging and zagging, zigging and zagging. Through this, they can often get away.

When humans started inflicting automobiles upon the planet, about 100 years or so ago, squirrels, quite rightly, regarded these automobiles as a Danger. Evolution had taught them that the way to evade Danger—if there was no tree immediately at hand—is to zig and zag.

That doesn’t often work with automobiles.

But you can’t blame the squirrels.

Evolution sometimes takes a long time to catch up. For instance, the reason why many—and soon most—Americans, they are as help me, spockfat as blimps, is because humans evolved to savor most the taste of fruit and meat. Which, these days, means candy bars and McDonalds hamburgers. Affordable to almost anybody.

For 100,000 years, fruit and meat were most often in short supply. No longer.

And so Americans, till evolution catches up, will weigh more than many planets.

Some creatures, in re automobiles, have it even worse than squirrels.

Take the wolverine. Evolution had taught the wolverine that, no matter what it was, even if it was a grizzly bear, the best thing to do was to stand and fight.

And so, when the automobile was unleashed upon the land, the wolverine would stand in the road, and say to the automobile: “C’mon.”

This is why, today, there are no wolverines, where there are automobiles.

Squirrels, when not afflicted by automobiles, are actually pretty disciplined and direct.

They have also, over the last two years, buried about 700,000 peanuts around this yard.

This is what amuses me about archeologists and such who dig up my friendsome shard from 7000 years back and then construct an entire Reality around it.

For, if someone were to dig up this place, a century or two along the line, they would no doubt conclude: “this property, without doubt, was a peanut plantation.”

When, in truth, there were just a fair number of squirrels, and jays, to whom I fed peanuts. Because they liked them so. And because I liked them, so.

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7 Responses to “Upon A Thousand Hills”


  1. 1 Miep April 6, 2014 at 9:25 pm

    There is a patch of parrot tulips outside the building we live in. They have been there for a number of years. Parrot tulips have a virus that makes them streaky.

    Some years they come out red and white, some years green and pink. Some years I try to dig them up to separate them and cannot find any, and then they all appear around the periphery of where I dug.

    No one is talking about any of this, either.

    Parrot tulip

    • 2 bluenred April 6, 2014 at 9:33 pm

      I believe that tulips, like iris and daffodils, are of the bulb family of weirdness. I do not understand any of these people. It is my opinion that they—like eggplant—are from another world.

      I am a perennial man. My favorite creature on all the planet is an 850-year-old rose in Germany that survived even the tanks and bombs of WWII.

      • 3 Miep April 6, 2014 at 9:52 pm

        There is a Peace rose here, she’s maybe fifteen years old.This is a cultivar that was released approximately 1945 in hopes that we were going to stop all that. She’a still a pretty good rose, though, peach-colored and with a great fragrance, and strong.

        There was a Lincoln rose, but she got so big that I realized I’d planted a number of perennials too closely, so I dug her up, along with a great deal of root, and gave her to a friend to transplant. She died, I don’t know why. He wasn’t bad with roses.

        Meanwhile all the leftover roots started sprouting red rambler roses, that being the rootstock onto which the Lincoln was grafted. So there are those, now. They will be flowering soon. They only do it once a year.

        • 4 bluenred April 6, 2014 at 10:01 pm

          Yeah, a rose will tend to get pissed off if you dig her up. And sometimes will decide to melt right away.

          The magic alternative is this: I used to go out after big storms—well, as big as they get in California—to find branches snapped off and lying on the ground. I’d pick them up and plant them in the ground, about six inches to a foot deep or so. Every one became a new rose. Every one.

          Yeah. I’d always let the rootstock grow, if it asserted itself. Those are the old hardy roses who grew for millennia, before humans came along. Some of them are fantastically prolific. It’s just that they bloom only once, or twice maybe, a year. Rather than throughout the spring-summer, as the hybrid teas do.

          • 5 Miep April 6, 2014 at 10:17 pm

            I’ve successfully moved roses, but this one was maybe just too big.

            Sticking branches in the ground works at least for awhile, but the rootstock issue tends to assert itself. Overall I am fonder of the older varieties. I planted a nice rambler in whitish pink who will flower more than once a year if she gets the water, back about ten years ago.

            Here’s another perennial, a dwarf pagoda tree, Sophora davidii, from China. I planted her from seed about seven years ago, she’s terrific. Only flowers once a year, really drought tolerant and so far has survived temps from zero to 109°F. I would like a hedge of these, they grow to 12 feet and have thorns. The photo doesn’t do her justice but you can get the general idea. Neat little pinnate leaves.

            sophora davidii

  2. 6 Salvatore April 15, 2014 at 7:26 am

    So be sure that you protect all the needs that you feel you want, so that you can generate with an simpler thoughts.
    smoking or excessive consumption of alcohol either.
    The insurance company often includes medical questions
    seeking a yes or no answer.

    • 7 bluenred April 16, 2014 at 10:21 pm

      “Be sure that you protect all the needs that you feel you want, so that you can generate with an simpler thoughts.”

      This is Deep.


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