New Truths

—In Somalia is a law that makes it a crime to place chewing gum on your nose and then walk around in public.

—The first organ to appear in the happytankdeveloping human fetus is the anus.

—While Jesus allegedly changed water into wine, the Sixth Century Irish nun St. Brigit would, when visitors dropped by, transform her used bathwater into beer.

—Some 4% of the American public believes that “shape-shifting reptilian people control our world by taking on human form and gaining political power to manipulate our societies.”

—In Japan are mayonnaise-flavored Doritos.

—The recent referendum on independence for Venice saw 2.36 million votes cast. Some 2.1 million of the people, they voted for independence. Some of these people are getting a little feisty and impatient. So, like, they built a tank. In it, they intend, alpha and omega, to roll away the dew.

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