Santa Claus Is Strafing Your Town

you better watch out, you better not cry
better not pout, i’m telling you why
santa claus is strafing your town
strafing your town
he’s making a list and checking it twice
gonna find out who’s naughty and nice
santa claus is strafing your town

he sees you when you’re sleepin’
he knows when you’re awake
he knows if you’ve been bad or good
so be good for goodness sake

oh! you better watch out, you better not cry
better not pout, i’m telling you why
santa claus is strafing your town

I am still not recovered from the spring PTSD incurred when I learned that the serial killers of the US Navy are staining the nation’s telescreens with the obscenity that they are “a global force for good.”

Now I must contend with the knowledge that these same murdering idjits are assaulting children worldwide with a website wherein Santa Claus makes his rounds accompanied by armed fighter jets.

The horror. The horror.

The popular program, without the jet escort, reached 22 million people last year and generated tens of thousands of phone calls from kids and their parents around the country. The mock mission allows families, either by calling or logging on, to get “real-time” updates on Old St. Nick’s global trip to bring holiday cheer to girls and boys.

This year’s updated segment, now previewing on the military’s website, depicts Santa soaring over snow-capped peaks ride of the valkyrieswith military aircraft keeping pace on either side.

Adding the jets is “part of our effort to give the program more of an operational feel,” says insane deathfuck Navy Captain Jeff A. Davis.

Another video on the NORAD website shows military personnel ostensibly preparing for Santa’s flight[.]

An intelligence officer asserts that “intel can confirm that Jack Frost and the Abominable Snowman will not be a threat.” Ground forces then report that all rooftops have been checked to make sure Santa, whose call sign is “Big Red One,” and his reindeer can land safely. Could Santa’s navigation system be attacked by a computer virus? Another officer in charge of cyberspace chimes in that the “anti-Grinch-viral is up and will continue to monitor threats.”

Lastly, the video trains on the cockpit of a fighter jet flying escort to prevent Santa from straying into restricted air space and “to protect from threats.”

“It’s still cutesy since it’s for kids, but we don’t want people to lose sight of our true mission,” says the insane deathfuck Davis.

Maybe some able hactivists like Anonymous would be willing to get in there and transform this web obscenity into something that ho ho horeally reflects the “true mission” of Davis and all the other unsane deathfucks.

Inscribing the Reality that the US military is not about benignly ensuring that Santa Claus delivers toys to good little girls and boys. But is instead about, all and every, and all over the globe, killing, and maiming, good little girls and boys.

Maybe there would appear images of Ali Ismail Abbas, the 12-year-old Iraqi boy who, one spring day in 2003, lost—via the bombs of the “global force for good”—both arms. As well as his father, his pregnant mother, his brother, and six other relatives. All dead.

Maybe we could hear him weeping: “Can you help me get my arms back? Do you think the doctors can get me another pair of hands? If I don’t get a pair of hands I will commit suicide.”

Maybe.

And maybe this Christmas “global force for good” fighter jets will cheerily accompany Santa Claus through the night skies, to deliver to Ali another pair of hands. As well as his father, his mother, his brother, and his other dead relatives.

Maybe.

Hoo-rah. Semper fi. Anchors aweigh. Aim high. Bomb and shoot and strafe and slit. Kill. Kill again.

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6 Responses to “Santa Claus Is Strafing Your Town”


  1. 1 Elva December 7, 2013 at 5:50 pm

    I saw a story about the fighter jets following Santa on Christmas eve. Santa was dressed in camouflage clothes. The announcers did not approve of
    the video and so did I. Why can’t some special things be left alone? Why
    spoil it for the future little children?

    • 2 bluenred December 8, 2013 at 2:31 am

      I was unaware that they had camoed Santa Claus. Because I refused absolutely to click on the links. But this is not surprising. They want, all the US good little boys and girls, to grow up, to go out, and bomb and shoot and strafe and slit. And so, they make, even of Santa, uber alles.

  2. 3 Miep December 13, 2013 at 1:03 am

    Reblogged this on There Are So Many Things Wrong With This and commented:
    Season’s Greetings, blueness.

  3. 5 dark avenger cheat March 26, 2014 at 3:46 am

    Tips 3: Complete Sketchy on the Details in Dragon Age II.
    Stay tuned for more updates on this developing story.

    In Enter sum we need to to incorporate how a great deal of zen or gold we want
    to get.

    • 6 bluenred March 29, 2014 at 12:10 am

      This is kind of Kool:

      “In Enter sum we need to to incorporate how a great deal of zen or gold we want
      to get.”

      I like how you link zen and gold; both are foul, filthy, anathema, seethingly corrupt.

      A Real human animal, walks away, without a thought, from both.


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