Squeal Like A Pig

Recently I excoriated the Lay’s people for having, in my opinion, gone stone-mad, in unleashing upon the land “Cheesy Garlic Bread” potato chips.

In the comments to that piece, I further learned party with your pig onthe company is also now peddling “Chicken and Waffle” chips.

The horror. The horror.

I could come up with no reasonable explanation for this. Except perhaps that, in this merger-happy nation, Lay’s had merged with an insane asylum, and so certified lunatics were now churning out the chips.

But today I have to reassess this conclusion. Because evidence is emerging that Lay’s, with its various and sundry waffle and garlic-bread chips, may actually be paddling in what these days passes for the mainstream of American commerce. Now that I have learned of bacon-scented deodorant.

Now, I like bacon. But I like it in my mouth. I like what my taste buds have to say about it. I have never considered applying it to my body. Much less affixing a couple strips to my armpits.

But who am I to say? Matt Drudge, we know, when he engages in sexual congress, likes to get all drippy and gooey with raw eggs. Maybe he also likes his partners to grease up with fresh raw bacon. Bacon and eggs, as we know, go well together. Maybe this sort of thing brings new meaning to “squeal like a pig.”

Maybe for such people J&D’s Foods new $9.99 “Power Bacon deodorant” is just the ticket. A wonderment described by the company thusly:

For When You Sweat Like A Pig. POWER BACON is the Meaty Fresh evolution of J&D’s meat flavored and scented health and beauty products division. Designed specifically for people with active lifestyles, POWER BACON provides 24 hours of Bacon Scent. For all day meat scented protection apply liberally. Do not eat, leave exposed to sunlight or explore the wilderness without a firearm(s).

I think probably something is going on in the country that I don’t understand. I think maybe I need to fill the larder with Chicken & Waffle potato chips, lather my pits with Power Bacon deodorant, get me a coupla guns, and then call a radio talk-show, wherein I shall squeal like a pig that New World Order black helicopters are forcing me to enroll in Obamacare.

Then, perhaps, at last, I shall be an American.


6 Responses to “Squeal Like A Pig”

  1. 1 nancy a November 9, 2013 at 10:42 am

    This has got to be amongst The Most Frightening Revelations ever reported here..

    Deliver Us :/

  2. 3 sally November 10, 2013 at 11:30 am

    oh, oh, you have not yet heard of Lay’s new CHOCOLATE covered potato chips?? TRUE. I kid you not. Check it out. Apparently they will only be offered in cold months as they will be prone to melt into a heap of icky, gooey globs in the heat. I, too, love bacon, but also pork sausage – I will wait eagerly for some madness of sausage I can use on this old body. NO, not there! Much too obvious.

    • 4 bluenred November 10, 2013 at 1:21 pm

      You have to be joking, about the chocolate potato-chips. Why would they want to blanket the nation with bags of goo? For how can they reasonably determine when are “the cold months”? In some places, like Icepick, it’s always cold; in others, like Arizona, it almost never is. What a planning and shipping headache. Chances are most of the bags would arrive as goo. Or frozen. For chocolate does that too. Freeze. Why can’t we have chocolate as chocolate, and potato chips as potato chips? What has happened to America?

      As for the sausages. Well . . . .

      ; )

  3. 5 sally November 10, 2013 at 3:13 pm

    Aggghhhh– supposedly they are geared toward women?? How insulting! Google Oscar Pascual chocolate potato chips…. I like my chocolate dark and from Belgium via Trader Joe’s.. Sometimes I fear that I am out of sync with the world and then sometimes I celebrate that I am out of tune with other earthlings. oh, dear….

    • 6 bluenred November 10, 2013 at 6:37 pm

      It may be marketed to women because women are the Saner Ones: that is, they understand that chocolate, particularly dark chocolate, is Godly. Whereas men would rather, say, bloat on beer. However, chocolate, it is not Godly, when it’s gooed into a potato chip. And if this world is one in which chocolate is mucked up in potato chips, then it is Right and Meet, that one be out of sync with it.

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When I Worked

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