Mood Ring Nation

The red Icepick correspondent forwards the below map, which represents an Australian’s attempt to identify the many various and sundry states that comprise the US.what it is

There is much wisdom here. Such as “i don’t care,” “still rednecks?”, “roadkill wolf,” and “florida, aka penis gun freakyland.”

It would be an easy thing, to mock this down-under denizen’s efforts. But think on it: how good might ye be, in identifying the states of Australia? I used to know something or two about that nation, but these days I would be hardpressed to do better than scrawl identifiers like “kangaroos,” “jungle part,” “chunder central,” and “endless endless desert with a big orange rock out there somewhere.”

Meanwhile, a busy-beaver team led by a shrink and an American expat has determined that the US may be successfully regionalized by personality and temperament. This is sort of the “mood ring” view of the nation. According to these people, there are apparently three Known regions of the US, in which citizens are, variously, Friendly and Conventional, Relaxed and Creative, and Temperamental and Uninhibited. If you go here, you can take a little test, which will determine in which state you should best reside.

I was informed that I belong in Massachusetts.

Though I don’t think I want to go there. Not to a place like this:

A Norton elementary school was locked down briefly today when a woman who was trying to use the bathroom tried to enter the building through multiple doors, police said.

School officials were suspicious when the woman, who had no ties to the Joseph C. Solmonese School, tried to gain entry multiple times. They oh noezcalled police at around 10:45 a.m. and put the school in lockdown mode, said Lieutenant Todd Jackson.

Investigators spoke with the woman, who just wanted to use the bathroom, Jackson said.

“It turned out to be nothing,” Jackson said. “The school did a great job doing what they were supposed to do.”

The school was only locked down for about 20 minutes. No charges are being filed against the woman, Jackson said.

Though, you know, I suppose such a thing could, and would, happen anywhere, there in the US of A, these days. Probably they should just change the name of the entire nation, to Fear.


8 Responses to “Mood Ring Nation”

  1. 1 Alexa November 4, 2013 at 12:23 pm

    how’d they get a baby alligator up north?

  2. 3 Alexa November 4, 2013 at 12:25 pm

    YAY!! i can now leave Freaky Penis Gun Land and go on to Georgia. i think you should go there, too . . . . that test gave you incorrect results, Mr. Blue.

  3. 5 Julia Rain (the deviant daughter) November 4, 2013 at 7:18 pm

    I got Oregon. So I’m not too far off now. I think the Aussie person nailed it. I can personally attest that, when driving through Virginia, the state seems so interminable that one is inclined to feel that it encompasses many states, including “South West-Virginia”. Also, I wish Nevada was a kite. I drove through it on Highway 50, which was apparently, in the year of my birth, named “The Loneliest Road In America”, and it more than lives up to the title. I think forgot there were colors besides grey and brown by the time we exited that state.

    • 6 bluenred November 5, 2013 at 9:01 am

      That Nevada is so big and boring is why they used to detonate test-nukes all over the state. They figured no one would Care.

      An amusing story is that they stopped the nuke-rain at one site only because Howard Hughes complained. He was squirreled away, high up in some casino hotel, busy growing his fingernails, and the underground nuke-blats would rattle his cage. He called and cried to Nixon, who was then the president (and whom Hughes had festooned with numerous illegal campaign contributions). And so, Nixon said, no more nukes, in that part of Nevada.

      • 7 Rain Jeys December 7, 2013 at 1:42 am

        The Hughes story surprises me not at all. Nevada is empty and colorless and sad, but that doesn’t mean it deserves to be nuked. It just kind of needs some rain.

        • 8 bluenred December 8, 2013 at 1:49 am

          Plants and trees would be nice, too.

          But I guess there needs to be some sort of absolute wasteland, where people can go, and gaze upon it, and realize: yes, I complain a lot, about where I am, but it could be worse: I could be here.

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