Cruel And Unusual

Pigs have feet for a reason. So they can stand, and walk, and run around on them.

So they do not need to be carried by humans.

But, apparently, this is what is going let the pig goon now,  there in North Carolina.  Police officers heave pigs into their arms, and then wander around with them.

This is Wrong.

Last night I was watching a film about Levon Helm, and in it he noted that the reason why people in his crew put rings in the noses of their pigs is because otherwise the pigs are apt to use their powerful snuffling abilities to dig massive sinkholes, upend tractors, relocate houses.

This brought to mind one early Sunday morning, some years ago, when I answered a knock at my door to encounter my sleep-tousled and irritated neighbor, who had arrived to inform me that my pig, Eleanor, had just knocked his house off its foundation.

No fence made by the hands of man, or even woman, could contain Eleanor. And apparently she had felt, this morn, the need to go root and rock the neighbor’s house. I think maybe the neighbor had earlier said something rude to her.

These things happen.

That pig in the picture, s/he don’t have no ring in the nose. So that police officer better watch out. His house, I reckon, is likely soon to move.

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6 Responses to “Cruel And Unusual”


  1. 1 Rain Jeys November 4, 2013 at 7:38 pm

    I rather love the fact that you once had a pig named Eleanor. And I do not think that pigs need to be carried or have rings put into their noses.

    • 2 bluenred November 5, 2013 at 8:49 am

      At that time there also a peacock named Edward.

      • 3 Rain Jeys December 7, 2013 at 1:44 am

        That is so wonderful.

        • 4 bluenred December 8, 2013 at 1:54 am

          There were also about, uh, 60 ducks.

          I’d be embarrassed to remember, actually, the extent of the animal insanity, at that point in my life.

          It was completely beyond control.

          For instance: many of them lived in the house.

          There has never again been anything like that. With me.

          Except, uh, maybe, now. For there seems to be, now, a renewed avalanche of animals.

          I suppose I shall have to write, here, about this.

          Maybe. Someday.

          • 5 Julia Rain (the deviant daughter) December 8, 2013 at 2:54 am

            It sounds wonderful! I recall you said you have a bearded dragon now. They’re so sweet. Bob the Critter Man had a few. I would hold them against me when they got cold at the Faerie Festivals.

            • 6 bluenred December 8, 2013 at 3:18 am

              Yes. There is a bearded dragon here now. Who is making me rethink everything that I didn’t know about lizards.

              For instance, the notion that de-evolved humans, they act from the “lizard brain,” this, this, I know now, is a slur against lizards.

              For this guy, he is awake, and aware, and conscious, and yearning. And he is sweet.

              Every morning, he eats apple bits, out of my hand.

              It is true that, every evening, when I dump crickets into the tank, it is like the final scene of The Wild Bunch. Massive crunching mayhem.

              Which the cats—avid, curious—they crowd round the tank, to observe.

              Just like humans, these cats. In a movie theater. Watching the gore go by.

              Still, these cats, nowhere near, as de-evolved, as humans. Humans crippling their thumbs, in video games. Killing. And killing again. In bomb and shoot and strafe and slit.

              Yet never, do they even eat, these vaporous pixelating humans, what it is they do kill.

              Humans, it is true, will eat beef . . . after it has been delicately wrapped and empackaged into hamburger. After a steel pole has been driven into the cow’s skull.

              The lizard has the grace to at least take the killed in on his own tongue.


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