Freedom’s Just Another Word

Sometimes, when one encounters a headline, it is best to just ruminate upon it, for a time, before clicking through.

Such was True, yesterday, i p freelywhen I came across the headline “New Freedom Woman Urinates On Neighbor’s Couch.”

This, to me—it was nothing but fascinating.

What, I wondered, is a “New Freedom Woman?”

Is she, perhaps, part of some new movement, in which urinating on the couches of neighbors is considered a “new freedom”?

Then, when I clicked on the thing, I in the first paragraphs discovered that “New Freedom” is the name of a town in Pennsylvania.

In re the power of naming, I nodded: yes, of course, one would have to expect, that a town named “New Freedom,” would feature such events as neighbors showing up to urinate on your couch.

But then I got deeper into the thing, and realized it was all just another Stupid Drink Trick.

An intoxicated woman urinated on a New Freedom man’s couch Saturday night as he was waiting for police to arrive and remove her from his home, charging documents state.

Kimberly Ann Crosier-Crowley, 55, of the first block of John Randolph Drive, New Freedom, faces charges of trespass, criminal mischief, disorderly conduct, public drunkenness and loitering and prowling at night, documents state.

Southern Regional Police said that at 11:25 p.m., Jon Pizzurro, who lives nearby Crosier-Crowley on John Randolph Drive, called them to say she was intoxicated and would not leave his home.

“While waiting for police to arrive, the woman [Crosier-Crowley] then urinated on his couch in his living room,” documents state.

When police arrived, Crosier-Crowley ran away. Police caught up to a stumbling, pants-less Crosier-Crowley and asked her how much she had had to drink, to which she answered, “nothing,” documents state.

As officers tried to handcuff her, she resisted, and said she wanted to go home. When they asked her name, she said, “I think my name is Kim Crowley,” documents state.

Officers said they could smell a strong odor of alcohol coming from Crosier-Crowley, documents state.

Police then talked with Crosier-Crowley’s husband, Jeff Crowley, who said his wife had been drinking alcohol inside their home and then walked outside.

Jeff Crowley let police inside their home, where they could see “many opened containers of beer throughout the kitchen,” documents state.

Police asked him if his wife had any medical conditions.

“He stated that she was just an alcoholic,” documents state.

Here in criminal-law world, about 85% of the cases that come our way are, in one form or another, some sort of Stupid Drunk Trick.

There exists also the legion of Stupid Drunk Tricks that I have engaged in, in my own life.

See? Sometimes it’s best, to just rest in the headline.

With the wanton, willing, fiery and fierce New Freedom Women. Spraying urine across the couches of the land. As some sort of Statement.


5 Responses to “Freedom’s Just Another Word”

  1. 1 Elva August 28, 2013 at 8:51 am

    What a great story for this morning. When did Stephen Stills sing with this group? The music was perfect for the story.

  2. 2 dave h September 9, 2013 at 8:47 am

    Wondering if you’re familiar with writer Mark Dery. Reading one of his essays, “World Wide Wonder Closet”, I reminded why I enjoy reading yer blog. Good stuff. Rare thing.
    I highly recommend Dery’s book “I Must Not Think Bad Thoughts” (2012). Lot’s to dig, and dig into.

    dave h

    teaser sample of the essay here:,+world+wide+wonder+closet&source=bl&ots=Mo3t35x2li&sig=NePv2tT-uiP1C3g86Y-2q2YTZrk&hl=en&sa=X&ei=dfctUuW8FIPniwKe5YCwBQ&ved=0CDgQ6AEwBg#v=onepage&q=mark%20dery%2C%20world%20wide%20wonder%20closet&f=false

  3. 4 Rain Jeys September 16, 2013 at 11:06 pm

    New Freedom is only a few towns away from me, so that’s what I thought of when I read it. It didn’t surprise me, the drunken urination. I like your version better. New Freedom is kind of what passes for a hippie town around here, though. David and I went to a bonfire with some local hippies there once. So it might not surprise me if someone did it as some sort of statement there, either.

    • 5 bluenred October 2, 2013 at 2:50 am

      You need to get out of there immediately. I recommend a covered wagon pulled by potato chips. They will first bring you safely to California, and next surmount the Many Menaces of the Compound.

      So let it be written.

      So let it be done.

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