Moving In

The 1963 Alfred Hitchcock documentary film The Birds chronicles that parlous period when the birds of Sonoma County, California decided they’d had just about enough out of the humans, and so started pecking big holes in their bodies.

What the Hitchcock documentary does not depict is the armistice negotiated by the squirrels, which ended the bloodshed between the humans and the flying dinosaurs. As in the mike and manKorean War, there was no actual peace treaty, but instead merely an agreement to suspend hostilities.

Like the Koreans, the birds remain grumpy. As I experienced firsthand, when I lived in Sonoma County some decades ago. When I would labor on my automobile, for instance, ravens would wait until I was wedged under the thing, then swoop down and steal small loose parts with their demon beaks, returning with them to the trees, there to laugh in my face.

I was reminded of this Wrongness when I recently stumbled upon evidence of what appears to be a nationwide movement among animals to move into the yards and houses and automobiles of the humans.

Up there in the land of icepicks, a two-year old moose monikered variously Bullwinkle, Mr. Moose, and Mike, has taken to frequenting, in and around the hamlet of Crookston, a sugar beet factory, a pizzeria, a convenience store, a Ford dealership, and various and sundry backyards.

The moose seems a friendly enough creature, but nonetheless fills the humans with Fear. “Moose kill more humans than any other wild animal,” groused a human named Ross Hier, who claims to be some sort of “wildlife manager.” According to this quaky-pants, “if a moose doesn’t like the scenario, it can put its hooves through your stomach.”

Hier and Crookston Police Chief Tim Motherway said they were surprised about how the public was captivated by the moose, which grew into a tourist attraction. They feared that the moose would never want to leave.

However, success came on the fifth try of chasing the moose eastward with ATVs and other vehicles.

What a couple of nimrods. What if Mike the Moose gets pissed off? And rounds up some buddies? They could come thundering back into town, drunk on whiskey and hate, at which time no one’s stomach would be safe.

And speaking of whiskey, over in Brookline, Massachusetts a wild turkey flew through a window and into a house one recent Sunday night, apparently because it Felt Like It.

The turkey smashed through a double-paned window at the house on Addington Road around 6:30 p.m. April 28, leaving large holes in the screen and window shade, said Didi Coyle, who lives in the house.

Her husband, Tom Szydlowski, and their dog werelemme in sitting in the living room when the bird exploded through the glass. Coyle saw the incident from the outside; she was standing in her driveway with a neighbor when the bird barged in.

“I was just sort of casually watching it and I realized it was aiming for my house,” Coyle said. “It’s a big old Victorian house, a pinkish color, so I can’t imagine it didn’t see the house.”

The uninvited guest startled the family’s 12-year-old collie. While Coyle called police, the dazed turkey flew over Szydlowski’s head toward the back of the house, she said.

A Brookline police officer soon arrived and managed to corner the bird in a bathroom. The officer opened a back window and the turkey exited the house in a slightly more graceful manner than it had arrived, Coyle said.

Science Man Lowell George told Bedlam News Service that the turkey probably arrived in search of “weed, whites, and wine,” and will no doubt be back.

Finally, a black bear attempted to make off with a truck owned by Truckee, California human Evan Nielsen.

It’s a sight Evan Nielsen had to rewatch again and again to believe, even though he recorded the video—a black bear, making itself comfortable in his truck, after somehow opening the door and hopping in.
At one point, it seems like he even wavesgetaway driver to the camera.
“At one point, he had both hands up on the steering wheel, and was honking the horn with his snout,” Nielsen said. “It was pretty amazing for awhile.”
It looks like the bear was hoping to drive away, and very quickly. Nielsen knew he had to get this guy out, because in bear versus truck, the vehicle wasn’t holding up too well.
“Destroyed the back seat, this is where probably the majority of the damage is,” Nielsen said.
It appears that the bear, like the turkey, may be an imbiber of human beverages.
[Nielsen] thinks [the bear invasion] may have something to do with a cup filled with tea left it in his other car. The windows were down, the bear got in, drank the tea and went over to Nielsen’s truck, probably looking for more.
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5 Responses to “Moving In”


  1. 1 nancy a May 20, 2013 at 5:49 pm

    Not long ago I was stuck on a brutally long plane ride and I watched “The Girl”, which focused on the making of “The Birds”.

    Not bad really, but it painted a clear portrait of Hitchcock as an impotent, abusive wretch..

    You know, Tippi Hedren hailed from Icepick – she shoulda just brought along a Bodyguard Moose : )

  2. 3 Julia Rain (the deviant daughter) May 23, 2013 at 8:52 pm

    Poor Moose. He just wanted to be friendly, and they ran him out of town.

    The thought of a bear attempting to drive a vehicle is slightly nightmare-inducing.

    I would not call the police if a turkey flew through my window. I would probably try to convince David to keep it as a pet. It would be bigger than the cats, so they could play together.

    I’m sorry that ravens stole your tools. I suppose it is a compliment, albeit an irksome one. Likely, they were shiny.

    • 4 bluenred May 25, 2013 at 12:23 pm

      The ravens returned the material they stole. They dropped the stuff in the dirt at my feet, after I’d spent an hour looking for it, and then they laughed and laughed. Someday, maybe even soon, I will write here at length about this Embarrassing Outrage.

      It is truly Mean, what they did to the moose.

      I heard on the radio yesterday a story about a person who heard somebody grappling at their door; they opened it, and a young bear walked in. Then the fellow did not want to leave. I will be trying to determine more Facts about this incident, and then shall print a Report.

      • 5 Julia Rain (the deviant daughter) June 18, 2013 at 7:32 pm

        That was a rather mean trick.Though I saw a video the other day featuring a crow who had adopted a kitten and would caw loudly whenever the kitty went too close to the road, and would bring him worms to eat. So like humans there are deeds both valiant and unsavory to be had.

        Also, at least the thieving ravens would make a good story.

        That bear situation does indeed ask to be investigated.


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