American Warriors

In many regions of the earth there exists an iconic representation that is said to embody the essential nature and characteristics of a nation’s people.

In Britain, for example, thereamerican warrior is John Bull, a stout, middle-aged, stuffy, twit, with a Union Jack emblazoned across his ample and protruding midsection. In France, meanwhile, there is Marianne, a comely, topless, determined lass, most often depicted leading the people against some Outrage or another.

In the United States there has been Uncle Sam, a tall, lanky, bewhiskered gent, with a penchant for pointing his finger at people, commonly as part of a demand that they go enlist in some wing of the death industry so they can sail off to kill non-Americans somewhere.

But Uncle Sam is over. The new real and true iconic representation that nails precisely the essential nature and characteristics of the American people is American Warrior. That is the fellow shown in the photo above and to the left.

He is America.

This morning the 60 Cro-Magnons of the United States Senate introduced legislation that will emblazon American Warrior on both the nation’s money and its flag. The design for the new American flag may be seen below.

American Warrior patches will also, by law, be sewn on to salutethe uniforms of all the nation’s serial killers, and American Warrior decals will be placed upon all the vehicles employed in the American death industry.

Programs shall be introduced into the nation’s schools to encourage American children to model themselves, physically, mentally, and spiritually, after American Warrior.

Hundreds of thousands of Americans costumed like American Warrior shall be dispatched across the land—like a sort of escape of characters from Disneyland—and those who do not salute American Warrior, as he passes by, shall be guilty of a felony, and will serve five years in the state prison, after which they shall be deported.

It’s a new dawn.

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