Archive for November 30th, 2012

Heavy Duty

Amazon aficionados are aware that one of the ways the place tries to encourage you to buy stuff is by offering “Super Saver” free shipping.

Somebody at the Wall Street Journal with nothing better to do set out to determine just what sort of extreme-poundage pachyderms Amazon willnuts heave across the land for free.

And so discovered that apparently the weightiest item Amazon will roll to your door is the Cannon Safe CO54 Commander Series Premium 90 Minute Fire Safe. The thing weighs 1672 pounds, and normally the company charges about $700 for shipping.

This is an item that would be purchased—at Amazon for $3486.57—only by somebody with a serious Problem. It stands six feet tall, features a 5.75-inch thick steel door with 13 locking bolts, and can hold up to 48 guns.

Anybody who conceives a need to squirrel away 48 guns requires Treatment.

Which brings us to Glenn Beck, and his people. Horrified that the black man has been returned to the White House, Beck had a breakdown in which he babbled and blithered about George Washington, and weepingly advised his audience to pull their children out of school, and buy farmland and guns. Because the apocalypse is at hand.

So it is indeed fortunate that Amazon will ship for free to these nutters a mammoth Fear Box in which they can secret away their firearms. I suppose they could also stash their root vegetables in there. As well as themselves.

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