A Maine Thing

I am no longer certain that the people of Maine can claim to be Sane, or even Normal.

First came recent news that a truck rumbled out onto a Maine airport runway, causing a nonplussed plane to crash into it, settle, and burn.

Then, the Maine airways authorities pronounced that the truck had behaved in a way both Sane, and Normal.

Now we hear of the Maine man who pistol-whipped his estranged wife with his pee-pee.

No. I do not make this shit up.

The incident occurred in July, when his wife of 39 years, who was estranged from him, stayed at his place. He offered her $20 for sex, and when she refused, he took out his penis and struck her with it, according to the prosecution’s version of events, to which he pleaded guilty.

Defense Attorney Justin Andrus said Thomas was tremendously upset that his marriage of 39 years was ending. He said his estranged wife was planning to go to Pakistan to meet a man she met online.

“This was not his normal conduct,” Andrus told Justice Jeffrey Hjelm during the sentencing hearing[.]

“Not his normal conduct.” This is good to hear. That it is still considered Not Normal, there in Maine, for this man, or any other man, to whip out his pee-pee, and start flagellating with it some ex-pillow companion, simply because she wants to follow online some man from Pakistan.

Increasingly, there really are no additional words, to add to these stories, of the ways and means, of the Americans.


12 Responses to “A Maine Thing”

  1. 1 Julia Rain (the deviant daughter) November 24, 2012 at 1:43 am

    I spent a week in Maine and luckily did not witness any of the mentioned behaviors. I quite liked it. Very pretty. It is incredibly dark there, however. It’s one of the least light-polluted areas in the country. I thought this made it rather magical, but perhaps it actually drives the locals batty.

    • 2 bluenred November 24, 2012 at 2:02 am

      It is possible that the Great Darkness causes Failed Old Men to frustradely whip out their flaccid pee-pees and attempt to impotently assault ex-wives with them.

      Probably there should be a Study.

    • 4 Miep O'Brien December 1, 2012 at 7:21 pm

      Meh, I’ve lived kinda in the boonies for years and have never escaped light pollution at night. People who are driven crazy by the natural world were already driven crazier by this culture. I still remember seeing the stars right, though. About 40 years ago.

      • 5 Julia Rain (the deviant daughter) December 2, 2012 at 10:05 pm

        I have to agree. I loved seeing the stars, with the darkness of the forest all around me. Anyone who would be driven mad by much a thing would likely already possess a penchant for madness.

  2. 6 possum November 24, 2012 at 7:05 am

    More and more as time passes “normal” is less about human behavior and more about a setting on the drier.

  3. 9 santera hoochie December 1, 2012 at 10:00 am

    cara Julia, so good to see you. and dear possum. deja vu of the best variety.

  4. 11 santera hoochie December 1, 2012 at 10:15 am

    title, incidentally, was used by Raphael Saddiq, minor deity, though i can’t recall exact details . . . might have been with Mint Condition, circa 1997.

    there may have been others
    secret lovers
    you’re my main thing

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