Bless The Beasts And The Children

The young’un cat, for reasons that are not at all clear to me, has decided to go the full barbarian. Living with him is like having Attila the Hun in the house. The folks at Uncyclopedia describe Attila as a being who “made men shit in their togas, bar the doors to churches and look up to heaven for help.” Yeah. It’s like that.

Earlier adventures of this absolute animal may be found here and here and here and here and here and here and here and here. But all that is as nothing, compared to his most recent forays into the annals of Outrage.

For instance, the other day I wander into the bathroom to find him employing his unusually dexterous monkey paws to savagely unroll all the toilet paper off the roll. He had a completely crazed look on his face during the entire procedure. Occasionally he would pause in his labors to sink his teeth into the helpless tissue, ripping and rending and shredding and tearing. Then, when he had finished, he turned and began wantonly sniffing the toilet.

There simply was not enough medication in the Manor to deal with this spectacle. “The eye of man hath not heard, the ear of man hath not seen, man’s hand is not able to taste, his tongue to conceive, nor his heart to report,” just how 5th Century this was. All I can do is mutely offer the photographic evidence of this Hunic display.

I think I am going to have to get in touch with this Genevieve person. It is said that when Attila set about besieging Paris, round about 451 CE, she managed to summon some juju that caused the Hun to cease and desist in his barbarian ways. I need some of this juju. Please, dear Genevieve, dispatch to the Manor said juju, post-haste.


3 Responses to “Bless The Beasts And The Children”

  1. 1 possum June 10, 2012 at 5:45 am

    Welcome to the ever expanding world of feline annoyance. Cat Land is a place where humans are allowed to live but without any say in the goings on of the place.

    In Possum Valley we have a feline of the ame ilk as your little friend. Many a roll of toilet paper has succumbed to that little monster over the years. It is good he has cute as a redeeming social value. 🙂

    • 2 bluenred June 10, 2012 at 5:58 am

      Is there some kind of unacknowledged war between cats and toilet paper? Are they not able to peacefully co-exist on the planet?

  2. 3 Plink Piano July 30, 2012 at 5:59 am

    Perhaps a cat tower or scratching post of some kind would help? I’ve also heard creating shelves and ways for cats to move around the house without having to touch the ground helps with crazy behavior. I remember one time when I visited Mexico with a certain person who is no longer with us, his cat Donna decided to create a nest out of toilet paper in his sink in protest of being left alone for 5 days. It was quite creative of her and I have a photo somewhere…
    Have you heard of Jackson Galaxy? He’s this guy who host a show called “My Cat From Hell.” He’s a bit strange but has some good advice and I believe his show can be viewed online for those with no TV.

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When I Worked

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