Ron’s Rugs

I wouldn’t want to be on television. The tube that makes people appear wider and heavier than they actually are, the harsh and pitiless light meanwhile tending to lend a corpse-like pallor to even the healthiest person. Humans who appear on television with some regularity become accustomed to slathering themselves down with heavy makeup, so as to appear something like a human. Some even come to rely on serious body modification.

So I have some sympathy for GOoPer slave-holder and Hebrew-fearer Pawn Rawl. Who, for the occasion of the most recent televised GOoPer clown-car confab, felt it necessary to appear onscreen with a pair of eyebrow toupees. One of which proceeded to very publicly fall off.

The collapse was first broadcast by David Magee of the International Business Times. Who wrote, even as the GOoPer debate was still in full jabber:

The Republican debate on Bloomberg is underway at Dartmouth, and the focus is on something critical to America: the economy. But I’ve barely heard a word said in the first 18 minutes of the debate because I’m so concerned about Ron Paul’s fake eyebrow, which is falling off.

[A]s Paul kept talking in his first turn to answer a question at the roundtable-style debate, it was clear that he was wearing fake eyebrows and that his right eyebrow—showing up on the left on TV, was falling off.

It was crooked, almost upside down, and revealing his real, much thinner and lighter-colored eyebrow underneath. He looked like a clown, I’m sorry to say.

Paul talked, but I barely recall a word he said. It sounded like blah, blah, blah, my fake eyebrow is falling off.

Magee then pronounced a massive and final judgement on the Pawn candidacy:

I’ve got a problem with a person running for president wearing fake eyebrows. All of the candidates are wearing heavy makeup for the lighted stage. Of course. They’ve got hair dye, hair spray, layers of makeup and more. But a fake eyebrow? That’s too much.

Ron Paul is wearing fake eyebrows, and I can never take the man seriously again as a candidate for president. Paul is entertaining—especially tonight—and he’s got some interesting positions, like the one that the Federal Reserve is America’s anti-Christ. But we can’t have a man in the White House who wears fake eyebrows, and poor ones at that.

In a previous debate, Paul was criticized for wearing a suit that was too big. It swallowed him. He needed a good tailor. Instead, for this debate, he got a bad makeup artist. I feel for Paul, in a compassionate sort of way—but the fake eyebrows are too much for a serious presidential candidate.

Denying reality is a prerequisite for being a GOoPer. And thus it is no surprise that the Pawn cultists—whose devotion and fervor recall that of Manson girls—resolutely refuse to admit that Pawn appeared at the debate with a couple of rugs slapped over his eyes.

On this occasion, Jesse Benton was selected by the Pawn people to serve as designated spokesmouth, to mutter the required lies:

Jesse Benton, a campaign spokesman, insisted that Mr. Paul had been the victim of the elements, namely a heavy pollen season in New Hampshire, and called accusations that he’d been artificially enhancing “stupid” and “insulting.”

“Dr. Paul’s allergies acted up a touch,” Mr. Benton said[.]

Of course. The medical literature is chock-a-block with references to allergies causing people to sprout fake eyebrows on their heads.

Pawn, by the way, is routinely referred to as “Dr. Paul” by his people because he was once a gynecologist. One with such a peculiar penchant for zygotes that his vaunted “libertarianism” completely evaporates when it comes to the bodies of women. For Pawn is all about Occupy Womb Street. He would lash into jail any women or doctors who dare to mess with fetal tissue.

Fortunately, that will never happen. Pawn will be going into retirement soon; for this particular run at the presidency, he has announced he will not seek re-election to Congress from the Texas district that has faithfully wheeled his clown car into Washington every two years, for more than two decades.

So soon, Pawn will have plenty of time on his hands. To work on his allergies. Seek some medical miracle that will prevent them from generating eyebrow toupees. Perhaps the solution will be found in fetal stem-cells. One never knows.


7 Responses to “Ron’s Rugs”

  1. 1 sally October 16, 2011 at 12:47 pm

    Oh, bluenred, this is a marvelous bit — It made me both wince and giggle and I am sending it on to a few people via email. You were always clever and funny and you keep moving on up. xoxox

    • 2 bluenred October 16, 2011 at 1:20 pm

      I’m glad you liked it.

      It’s risky, writing about Pawn, as the Paultards are nearly as crazed as the gun nuts, who already commenced the St. Vitus Dance here earlier this week. : /

  2. 3 possum October 16, 2011 at 1:24 pm

    Nicely done. Best laugh of the day here in Possum Valley.

    TV is a medium designed for the fake and made up. No one on TV appears as they exist in reality. Nothing said or done on TV bears much resemblance to reality these days. Paul’s fake eyebrows fit the game very, very well.

  3. 5 possum October 16, 2011 at 1:37 pm

    Life takes a cruel turn. Will and Alice both live in Wonderland. 🙂

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