The Truth Is Out There

Scientists from the Space Research Institute of the Bulgarian Academy of Sciences (BAS) revealed Monday that they are in contact with extraterrestrial beings.

The Slavic doubledomes are said to be scrutinizing pictograms that arrived in the form of crop circles; there, they say, lie the answers to some 30 questions earlier posed to the aliens by BAS researchers.

“They are currently all around us, and are watching us all the time,” Deputy Director of the Space Research Institute Lachezar Filipov said. “They are not hostile towards us; rather they want to help us, but we have not grown enough in order to establish direct contact with them. They are ready to help us but we don’t know what to request from them in case of contact.”

Filipov said that humans will never be able to communicate with these creatures via radio waves; instead, they may be reached only by the power of thought. He predicted that humans and aliens will be chatting away telepathically within ten to fifteen years.

The aliens are meanwhile deeply cranky about “people’s amoral behaviour” in the abuse of nature, Filipov said.

The Bulgarian publication Novinar Daily broke this story, which then migrated to the English-language Bulgarian news outlet; from there, as might be expected, the story was picked up by British tabloids.

At least on the tubes, Filipov, pictured below, appears to be a legitimate person. Here is his CV. Filipov seems earlier in his career to have been interested in such wonderments as “the dynamics of the accretion flux” and “the turbulence mechanism in result of the evolution of a non-linear system.” The CV provides his email address and states that he is conversant in English, so people may presumably contact him if they wish.

Back in 2006 Filipov hosted a delegation from the European Space Agency in Sofia, Bulgaria’s capital. It was noted then that “Bulgaria itself has a long history of space exploration: it is one of the few east European nations who can look back on two national cosmonauts and more than 100 Bulgarian experiments flying to space, including experiments on the International Space Station.”

The news of the crop-circle communiques from these otherwise hard-to-reach aliens comes as the Bulgarian Academy of Sciences finds itself at the center of a spitball-slinging spat between several high-ranking Bulgarian officeholders.

Bulgarian President Georgi Parvanov began the feud by carping that BAS was not receiving enough in government funds under the 2010 budget. Finance Minister Simeon Djankov responded “that the ‘President’s friends at the BAS are feudal elders’ who did not generate scientific achievements but only sucked out budget funds through their salaries and subsidies. Djankov stressed that in the developed states scientific research and development happened at universities.” Parvanov then struck back by posting to his official presidential website a statement damning Djankov for “aggressive ignorance.”

Prime Minister Boyko Borisov weighed in by noting that BAS scientists have been known to receive paid leaves of up to 600 days, and that President Parvanov was fibbing in having claimed that the BAS budget had increased threefold under the previous government: “the former cabinet transferred the money to the ‘Science’ Fund, but withdrew it after that.”

Parvanov groused that free-market marauders like Djankov would force scientists to “struggle for survival,” and opined that “[t]he moves to liquidate the BAS probably stem from materialistic aspirations about its numerous real estate properties.”

BAS Director Nikola Sabotinov then complained that working for his outfit is already like being confined to the poorhouse. “With these low salaries now no young people are motivated to come and work for us,” he said. “The average age of our employees is 53.”

PM Borisov vowed that the government would do everything in its power to retain all worthy scientists, and to make BAS a shining city on a hill in the world scientific community. “Not a single brick will be removed from the BAS!” he thundered.

Above is a photograph depicting three of the principals in this affair arrayed like something out of the Three Stooges. To the left is “feudal elder” Sabotinov, in the center is PM Borisov, to the right is “aggressively ignorant” Djankov.

Some years ago I received my own communique from a person said to be conversant with the ways and means of alien beings. This person, while completing post-graduate work in psychic school, was one night orally apprised of the fact that, some time early on in the Clinton administration, the sun went nova, and the earth was burnt to a cinder. However, no one here noticed this, because of the efforts of the “good aliens” (the thinnish creatures best known for their attempts to protect us from the “bad aliens,” those no-good-‘uns prone to picking us up off lonely interstates, playing with our gonads, implanting chips in our brains, and then setting us loose).

In this instance, the good aliens allowed our brains to believe that the earth was still here—and so were we. They kindly threw up into the sky a Potemkin Sun, so that we could go on believing that everything was Normal. They did this, it is said, because during the Harmonic Convergence of August 1987 human beings apparently proved to be “worthy,” and almost ready for “the next step,” which involves not needing bodies. The good aliens figured it a shame to allow us all to burn off like bugs on a grill just a few short years before we would no longer be bothered by such things as roaring jets of molten flame. They will take down the Potemkin Sun, so goes the theory, when we no longer need it, when, I guess, we will all sort of join together and swirl away as energy beings, a la the close of Childhood’s End. Presumably this event can be tied into the 2012 thing, which springs not only from Mayan matters, but also from the information theory of oo-ee-oo people like Dr. Jacques Vallee, who claims that information began doubling every 18 months in the early 1990s, and will, by immutable Math Laws, at some point in 2012 start doubling a million times a second.

So. If some night, while drinking liberally here on the tubes, you feel your body beginning to dissolve around you, or your mind opening to the gabbling of alien voices, you’ll maybe know why. In the meantime, British pop person Sting seems to have been forewarned of the whole Potemkin Sun business as early as 1981, as evidenced by “Invisible Sun”:


1 Response to “The Truth Is Out There”

  1. 1 skinik December 3, 2009 at 10:18 pm

    Dear Author !
    You were not mistaken, truly

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