Why Men Should Be Abolished

My colleague, who is a Scientist, has determined that the brain structure in human beings differs markedly, between men and women.

Women, their brains contain many folds, storing a dazzling array of information: from how to clean lampshades, to the ways and means of compacting more matter than exists in the entire universe into one small purse.

Men, however, their brains contain but two folds: one for sports, and one for pornography.

And contained within the sports fold, may be found the Will and Desire to engage make it stopin violently loud public belching.

Down a ways from the Manor is a lube shop. Those who work there are generally pleasant people. However, they are men. And one of these men is completely possessed by the Need to recurrently burp as loud as humanly possible.

Which is pretty damn loud.

And because this is a lube shop, the big metallic door to the thing is left open at all times. Presumably so that passing motorists will, from this open door, suddenly experience a brainshower that they could use some auto-juice, and so pull into the place.

However, this open door also means that whenever Belch Boy is possessed by his deliberate ructus disability, I get to hear it.

First thing this morning, while I was out with the elves wrestling the welfare recipients into a Santa Truck, this guy was over there vibrating his esophagus at decibel levels that caused blood to spout from all nearby ears. The elves were filled with Fear. They demanded narcotics; however, there were not enough in the Manor to properly medicate us all. So we remain pretty rattled. This is not the way that any Sane being would want to start Christmas Eve.

But we are not talking Sane beings here. We are talking human males.

No human female, in the entire history of the species, would ever somehow think it “cool” or “funny” or “impressive,” or whatever impression it is that passes through the sports lobe, to burp so loud that birds fall from the sky.

As such, one would think that deliberately belching louder than ten trains would have long ago been bred out of the species.

But no. The impulse must be truly strong, and deeply embedded, somewhere there in the y-chrome.

It needs to be Removed.

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4 Responses to “Why Men Should Be Abolished”


  1. 1 Comrade Red December 24, 2012 at 11:19 am

    It may be from time to time be discovered that an essential agency, such as maleness, having long lain unused, will have been by fools thrown away, wasted, unmaintained. Such discoveries are generally made when the tool in question is necessary. Some might say that, because ladies belch very well, men are unnecessary. But, as the author seems to say herself, they can’t really match the job the big boys do. Careful what y’wish for…

    • 2 bluenred December 24, 2012 at 11:24 am

      It’s certainly been true that from time to time some aspect or other of maleness has been found to have Value. But I don’t think belching louder than God is one of them. ; )

  2. 3 Miep O'Brien December 25, 2012 at 10:26 am

    I dunno, Comrade Red. I think guys who go around saying men should be abolished are pretty hot, myself. Merry Christmas, blue..


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