There Will Be Blood

Back in the Olden Days, men regarded women as but sexual vessels: women were instruments with which men experienced sexual pleasure; whether women themselves got anything hot and juicy out of the experience, to men this mattered not.

Too, men wantonly roamed their pee-pees across the land, spewing seed in all and sundry. While a woman who shared her delta of venus with someone precogsother than her principal partner could expect to be consigned to a jail, morgue, or asylum.

That was then. This is now.

Now, if you are a man, and you fail to ensure that your woman scales the sexual heights, you may by that woman be attacked and beaten. And if you are a man, and your woman suspects that your Clenis may have gone a-roaming, you may by that woman be killed.

Last week a Manatee, Florida woman went maenad when her lover neglected to drag her over the rainbow. According to the police report:

[They] are boyfriend and girlfriend who live in the same home and are involved in a sexual relationship. According to a statement obtained from [the man], he and [the maenad] were involved in sexual intercourse. [He] then climaxed and [she] did not. At that time, she became upset and began hitting and scratching him, causing scratches near his eye and nose. He also stated that this is not the first time she has been physical with him, and that she has many issues from her past and that she “goes off” frequently.

This fellow could have saved himself a lot of trouble if he had simply heeded the wise advice imparted by those noted relationship therapists the Grateful Dead in their sex manual “Sugar Magnolia”:

she don’t come
and I don’t follow

Also last week, prosecutors revealed that a Pennsylvania woman accused of slaying her boyfriend last April did so because she “smelled sex” on him. The woman and the dead man had been lovers for eight weeks. When she suspected that his Clenis had been sampling other scents, it was necessary for her to retrieve her handgun and shoot him.

The other night I was watching Diner, Barry Levinson’s film about a group of Baltimore lads back in the Olden Days of 1959. These young men are entranced by, desire, do not understand, and are more than a little bit scarified by women. In their own personal lexicon, they refer to these women as “death.” It is possible that these boys were precogs.

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3 Responses to “There Will Be Blood”


  1. 1 Comrade Red December 8, 2012 at 1:54 pm

    Paralipsis scented. The statement “Back in the Olden Days, men regarded women as sexual vessels” is incomplete. Men did and do regard all vessels as sexual. Obviously this includes other men, and just about everything else. Men put their thingies everywhere. This more nearly complete fact suggests something about males in general – they have a natural moral behavior different from women. Duh! But they do care about how the lady feels – it’s variable, but they do care. This may be due to the fact that all human zygotes are morphologically female until testosterone creates the deformities of brain, chemistry, and structure that we call maleness. This lessens their sympathies with ladies, but does not eliminate it. It lessens their maternal behavior, but does not eliminate it. It also means that their natural moral nature requires them to risk death in defense of their lady or their village. Such complex genetically transmitted moral instructions, all confused with post natal experiences, create numerous errors in behavior. Well, that leaves us all plenty of opportunity for improvement…

  2. 2 sally December 8, 2012 at 8:16 pm

    Oh, Red, you can not believe how happy I am you are once again zapping my world with your blogs. They are wondrously outrageous and can inspire wondrous and erudite replies as the above! I am reading your stuff, writing many replies in my head, but not hitting the keyboard. I hope to do better in the New Year (assuming this blue egg does not crack and explode on 12/21/12.) Sothlice. xoxox


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