Home For The Holidays

What in the sam hill is going on with Captain Underpants?

What is with this acting Normal, all of a sudden? Shouldn’t he have done this shit before the election? Pumping his own gas, riding a log out at Disneyland—now twitting a holiday photo from the Underpants family kitchen.

Why isn’t he going away, as is usual practice for The Loser? Please don’t tell me he is trying to rehabilitate himself, with an eye towards a political future. Laws no. Maybe he just can’t stand being out of the news.

Whatever the reason, this latest photo I find alarming, on several grounds. First, what happened to his head? When did it get so elongated? Wife Ann appears to have a head normal for a human being, while the Captain’s is twice as long, and half as wide. Did somebody put the thing in a vise? If so, why? We know that Underpants is going in for Moreau-like body modification, from the evidence of his endowed penis, which has, since the election, grown to the size of Missouri. Is this head disability a side effect?

Also, what is with the stainless steel pot? These people have more money than god. So why aren’t they cooking with copper? They could line all the kitchens in each of their 217 homes with copper pots and pans, and also afford to keep on each of these premises a tinsmith, to tend to the things. So why don’t they?

I just don’t get these people.

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6 Responses to “Home For The Holidays”


  1. 1 Elva November 26, 2012 at 12:24 pm

    I am sorry he will never go away. Just you wait until 2016…..

  2. 2 possum November 26, 2012 at 1:56 pm

    In Possum Valley the real question is “Who cares anyway?” How in the world does CU get that attention? Is the media so starved that pictures of a loser dominate the daily press?

    • 3 bluenred November 26, 2012 at 2:57 pm

      There’s a point. Then again, the media seems to specialize in covering people who are No One. For instance, I do not even know what is a Kim Kardashian or a Justin Bieber, yet this people appear on google news more often than even the Underpants clan.

  3. 4 possum November 26, 2012 at 3:55 pm

    The list of unknown names in Possum Valley these days is lengthy as you say. Names without faces. Unrecognized folks whose entire being is a pure media construct as best we can tell. Like the Captain most of them have trouble recognizing real people in life.

    • 5 bluenred November 26, 2012 at 4:05 pm

      I am waiting for the day when I know absolutely nothing about any of the people featured on the cover of People and similar supermarket magazines. I am almost there.

      • 6 possum November 26, 2012 at 6:48 pm

        An admirable goal. My knowledge of most of their names comes from the tabloid covers. No depth at all to knowing beyond that.


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