What Cthulhu Is This

What Cthulhu is this, who, laid to rest
In R’leyh deep, is sleeping?
Whom demons greet, their voices shriek,
While nimrods watch are keeping?

—well-known Christmas song

The black man will no doubt be relieved to hear that he has been demoted, no longer considered the Antichrist, but instead reviled as but a harbinger of the Antichrist.

Yes, while some 24% of the American people believed as recently as 2010 that Barack Obama was for sure the minusJesus, we have now all been informed by one Robert Jeffress, a mentally divergent babbler infesting churches down in Texas, that Obama is here merely to prepare the way for that Much Badder Dude.

In flogging his parishioners to get out to vote, Jeffress said:

I want you to hear me tonight: I am not saying that President Obama is the Antichrist. I am not saying that at all. One reason I know he’s not the Antichrist is the Antichrist is going to have much higher poll numbers when he comes. President Obama is not the Antichrist. But what I am saying is this: the course he is choosing to lead our nation is paving the way for the future reign of the Antichrist.

That’s why, ladies and gentlemen, I believe it is time for Christians to stand up and to push back against this evil that is overtaking our nation, to stand up and push back against these actions that are paving the way for the final world dictator. The best way to push back against unrighteousness is at the ballot box.

Well, that didn’t work out so good. The arresting the attendant of the Antichrist at the ballot box part.

Meanwhile, and just to make absolutely sure that wingnut heads explode, godless hellbenders over in Naples, Italy have taken to festooning their Christmas nativity scenes with Barack Obama figurines. Obama, he gets a crown, and is positioned next to the baby Jesus. While a Captain Underpants figurine is also available, he is depicted with tears streaming down his face. And his ass on backwards.

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7 Responses to “What Cthulhu Is This”


  1. 1 possum November 13, 2012 at 5:04 am

    Sick as the image may be that description of Captain Underpants brought tears of laughter to my poor old eyes. The rest of the wingnut exposition is too sad for words. Humankind continues to be a disappointing mess in so many ways on so many days.

    • 2 bluenred November 13, 2012 at 6:55 am

      Perhaps the Neapolitan hellbenders could fashion an alternative creche reflecting the beliefs of the cult of Captain Underpants. It could feature Jesus riding a buffalo, across the plains of America, gnawing on beef jerky and discoursing to the Indians, accompanied by the Angel Moroni, bearing the fabled plates, as well as the three Known sister-wives of the Jesus god-man. Flapping behind this crew could be Underpants himself—the tears, this time, tears of joy.

  2. 3 Julia Rain (the deviant daughter) November 13, 2012 at 5:11 pm

    That is officially my third-favorite Christmas Song. Right after “Merry Christmas Marvey” and your version of “King of Jing-a-Ling” ;)

    The only way I can read this in my read is in Stephen Colbert’s voice, because the idea that someone said it sincerely makes my head want to explode:

    “I want you to hear me tonight: I am not saying that President Obama is the Antichrist. I am not saying that at all. One reason I know he’s not the Antichrist is the Antichrist is going to have much higher poll numbers when he comes.”

    Though in a twisted way, that guy’s words actually make sense. The only thing scarier to these people than Obama is, well, the idea that there is someone Scarier, I guess.

    I think Obama is probably a little embarrassed about the figurines.


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