The Wizard Of Paul

When my colleague and I determined that the 2012 GOoPer presidential candidates are pseudo-humans bred and/or assembled by extraterrestrials who derive great amusement from mucking with the American electoral process, we were able to precisely identify just what had been done with nearly all of them.

Rick Perry is a farm animal, the result of a failed Dr. Moreau-like experiment involving crossing a man with a steer. Michele Bachmann contains many genes more properly found in geese. Mitt Romney is a rag doll sewn by inebriates. Rick Santorum is a grub in a skin-suit, while Newt Gingrich is a bedbug in a skin-suit. Jon Hunstman has been afflicted with the visage of a raccoon. Herman Cain was extruded from a pizza topping. Etc.

The only candidate who somewhat puzzled us is Ron Paul. As I wrote then: “My colleague and I are not yet sure what precisely was done with Ron Paul, but it is evident that he has been accessorized with an inordinate number of human organs, some of which move and melt and slide down his face while he is on television.”

Today, all has become clear, in re Mr. Paul. And that is that he is from Oz, via Kansas.

This became evident when a Ron Paul hot-air balloon commenced today to menace Greenville, South Carolina.

It’s deflated now, but a Ron Paul hot air balloon along the side of Interstate 85 caused traffic to slow down Thursday morning.

The balloon could be seen from a South Carolina Department Of Transportation camera.

DOT officials say the balloon had Ron Paul’s name on it.

People looking at the balloon slowed down around Pelham Road in Greenville County causing a four-mile backup at one point.

SC Department of Public Safety spokesman Sid Gaulden told News 4 that the South Carolina Highway Patrol asked the operator of the hot air balloon, Remus Toppeta of Greer, to take it down because it was causing a hazard.

Gaudlin said SCHP gave Toppeta a written warning for improper lane use because the balloon was set up in the middle of the frontage road.

It is good, that this is now cleared up.
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2 Responses to “The Wizard Of Paul”


  1. 1 possum January 20, 2012 at 5:19 am

    Paul is full of hot air so that balloon makes a very fitting representation of his campaign.

    • 2 bluenred January 20, 2012 at 9:30 pm

      There is just something wizardly about him. I don’t think Paul’s vocabulary is quite up to the Oz-man’s, but they sort of squeak the same.


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