There Are Always Uncles At Christmas

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5 Responses to “There Are Always Uncles At Christmas”


  1. 1 jumar63 December 28, 2011 at 3:54 pm

    We didn’t have any Uncles at Christmas this year, but we did think about them. Especially Uncle Steve and his Christmas lyrics to “Up on the Housetop”…”Up on the housetop reindeer tarts/Out jumps Santa he’s go the farts/Down through the chimney he’s full of gas/Bursts into flames and burns his ass.” I don’t think I’ve ever read anything by Dylan Thomas, but I guess I should, seeing as I inadvertently named my youngest child after him, who, by the way, will be 14 on the 29th. Enjoyed this! Reminded me of our times at Dillon Beach.

    • 2 bluenred December 28, 2011 at 4:31 pm

      Probably a songbook of that Uncle’s musical works should be compiled.

      One I can’t get out of my head is his throughly X-rated rendition of the theme to The Beverly Hillbillies, which contains the immortal line: “and up through his worm come a bubblin’ sperm.”

      He and I also collaborated on a country-western album. Lines from those numbers I have occasionally used here & elsewhere. Including: “got drunk last night and porked my cat/buried what was left in my cowboy hat.”

  2. 3 Elva December 29, 2011 at 1:34 pm

    OH, my what wonderful memories you two must have. We may lose someone we loved so much, but it is the memories of that person that keeps us going.

  3. 4 sally December 30, 2011 at 3:38 pm

    Oh, Elva, I liked the both of the old lyrics noted above. My brother George is our UNCLE George. He likes to tell dirty jokes at Christmas time, Easter, St. Pat’s, Valentine’s Day, etc. Mention anything — Santa Claus, bunnies, clovers, hearts, even Mars and he will have a dirty joke about it. Sometimes his jokes are also racist and/or sexist. I gave up trying to “cure” him of those — and also finally gave up trying to cure him of the telling dirty jokes, period. Some people laugh, but I was taken aback recently when he said he and another old man were telling Viagra jokes in line at the post office of the consevative, up-tight valley town where he lives. He said, “yes, some people were offended– obviously they didn’t have a sense of humor.” I worry one day some one will punch him out…

    • 5 bluenred December 31, 2011 at 12:26 am

      I remember that uncle. He gave me a book called Ladies and Little Boys. When, I believe, I was a minor. But not really. Because I was 17. The law might have viewed that gift as a Crime. But really, it was a Help. ; )


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