There are some problems here.
Several years ago I ran this film for someone who had never before seen it. When it was over, she said: “I’m glad I waited to see this until it had become a documentary.”
In Soylent Green, the answer to no food and lots of people, we learn, is to grind up lots of people into food. Sister, brother, auntie, uncle, cousin, nephew, friend, grandma in the corner, too—all transformed into flat green crackers, distributed to the hungry, unknowing masses each Tuesday: “Soylent Green Day!”
So far as is known, here in the “real” world, people are not yet being foisted onto other people as food. However, according to this here tubes newspaper, we might soon be munching on something sort of getting there: to wit, human feces.
Seems the folks at Tokyo Sewage approached Mitsuyuki Ikeda, a researcher at Okayama Laboratory, and told him they had too much sewage mud, and wanted him to help them get rid of it.
Ikeda took a look at the stuff, and discovered that it is packed with protein. Ikeda and his fellow Science Men then teased out those proteins, combined them with a mystery-monikered “reaction enhancer,” and then put the stuff into something called “an exploder.”
When this baffling alchemy was completed, the Science Men had created an artificial steak, quickly dubbed “the poop burger.” The Ikeda group shot some red food coloring into the thing, and enhanced the flavor some with soy protein: now, it is said, avid consumers report “it even tastes like beef.”
Excrement steaks are currently ten to twenty times the cost of traditional slices of beef, but the poop-people figure they can eventually sell the stuff for roughly the same price as meat cut from cows. They argue that feces flanks are not only good, but good for you: 63% protein, 25% carbohydrates, 3% lipids, 9% minerals. Fat-free!
The poop-patty partisans argue that “the meatpacking industry causes 18 percent of our greenhouse gas emissions, mostly due to the release of methane from animals”; indeed, people not yet ready to go to intestinal squeezings as one of the primary food groups are nonetheless pitching as environmentally sound Dr. Frankenstein-type ventures into growing “cultured meat” in labs.
Bowel-burger zealots also point out that animals demand a large amount of space, and have the effrontery to want to eat food themselves.
However, all these problems will be obviated once people can be trained to feed on their own feces.
Professor Ikeda understands the psychological barriers that need to be surmounted knowing that your food is made from human feces. They hope that once the research is complete, people will be able to overlook that ugly detail in favor of perks like environmental responsibility, cost and the fact that the meat will have fewer calories.
Now, it should be noted that the same lab that is churning out bowel burgers, is also working on something called the “e-kiss.” This will allow people spatio-separated to “physically transcend the distance keeping them apart.”
The engineers are developing a Kiss Transmission Device which aims to simulate the entire experience of a kiss.
The present, rough-looking model consists of two straw-like devices connected over a single PC. A user takes a device and swirls their tongue around one of the straws. Then, the way the A-straw interface is moved is transmitted to the B-straw device which mimics the movement[.]
[T]he researchers aim to recreate all the elements of a kiss including a sense of taste, the way a person breathes and even the moistness of the tongue.
These Wondermen have already perfected the “Sense-Roid,” a device that “mirror[s] back the same hug given it by using sensors, vibrators and artificial muscles; basically allowing a person to hug themselves.”
So, soon, one will be able to chow down on a colon product, then reach out and kiss someone over the intertubes, and, finally, hug oneself, for a job well done.
Brave new world.