Archive for August 13th, 2010

Mad Tea Party

Fox News, indefatigable promoter and enabler of those hapless atavistic ignoramuses known as the teabaggers, has filed an amusing story in which various fit-to-be-tied bag people allege that Democrats and other varmints are attempting to pass themselves off as baggers in order to Confuse People and Steal Elections.

Now, Newspeaking numbskulls like Sean Klannity have been assuring us for months that the teabagging movement crosses all party lines, attracting Democrats and inde-pendents, as well as Republicans. This despite those actual pesky facts that demonstrate that teabaggers are indistinguishable from the Republican Party: the two are, in truth, one and the same.

Fox has apparently now abandoned this ludicrous Klannity line (and someone better forward quick to poor dim Sean the new memo), because its piece is full of breathless prose in which the mere hint of any Democratic connection is assumed to be evidence of faux baggerism.

As the midterm election nears, allegations are surfacing across the country that Democrats are exploiting conservatives’ faith in the Tea Party name by putting up bogus candidates in November—the claim is that those “Tea Party” candidates will split the GOP vote and clear the way for Democratic victories.

The theories may prove to be more than just conspiracy talk. Some of the allegations are coming directly from local Tea Party activists who are trying to flag the media and election officials as soon as they smell something fishy on the ballot. And they say they’ve got proof.

“It’s obvious it’s a Democratic play,” said Jason Gillman, a Tea Party activist from Traverse City, Mich.

And so on.

I feel for these people, because it is not pleasant, when others try to be you.

So I have a simple, helpful suggestion for them. One that will easily and completely separate true bag people from any mischief-making pretenders.

And that is that the true teabaggers should just honestly and openly proclaim that they are racists. For that is what they are. That is the core of their movement, which sprang into being, howling that the government is tyrannical, only when that government fell under the direction of a black man. That is what assorted polls and surveys of teabaggers always show: that they are racist “dumbasses” who believe that President Obama is not an American citizen. Racism is what drives Dale Robertson, founder of TeaParty.org, and the man featured in the photograph there to the right. Teabaggers are racists. Period. Without racism, there would be no teabaggers. If the “true” teabaggers merely proudly proclaim their innate and inherent racism, there will be no confusion.

Problem solved.


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