(As we await the inevitable resignation of General Stanley McChrystal, the four-star fool who allowed himself and his goons to be overheard talking smack about the President, the Vice-President, and various other of their civilian controllers—and overheard by a reporter for Rolling Stone, no less—it seems an opportune time to reprint this rare, complete transcript of the final briefing to the press of former Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld, another loose-lipped dunderhead who arrogantly blundered eyes wide shut into the War on Terra. )
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(This has been verified as Sec. Rumsfeld’s voice. Transmission 11; December 5; Sector Zulu King Zulu.)
Good afternoon, folks. Although that term—”good”—is relative. Is the afternoon “good” for me? Yes. Why? It’s good for me because I own it. I summoned this afternoon. I am here because I choose to be. But you are forced to be here. It’s your job. If I convene a briefing, you must attend. You are not free to stay away. Since you are not free, your afternoon can hardly be “good.”
Have you ever considered any real freedom? Freedom from the opinions of others? Even from the opinions of yourself?
Of course you haven’t. That is why you see a leek around my neck. “Uh, the secretary—Rumsfeld—is that a leek, hanging round his neck?” That’s what you ask the man next to you. “Yes, yes, I believe it is,” the man next to you responds. But never do you consider the fact that the Secretary of Defense would never convene a press briefing with a leek hanging around his neck.
So, in truth, the leek is not there. It can’t be. The leek does not exist. Put it out of your mind.