Darth Dribbles

Darth Cheney, edging ever closer to Becoming One with the birthers, the deathers, the teabaggers, and all the other far-fringers currently eating away at the corpse of the Republican Party, has decreed that President Barack Obama “doesn’t fully understand or have the same perception of the US role in the world that most Americans have.”

Obama’s a dim-bulb stumblebum traitorous Muslim Kneegrow, that what you’re sayin’, Darth?

Darth next darkly intimated that another nefarious Kneegrow, Attorney General Eric Holder, is some sort of febrile Manchurian prosecutor hell-bent on dragging terrorists up to New York so they can there propagate Evil.

“I can’t for the life of me figure out what Holder’s intent here is in having Khalid Sheikh Mohammad tried in civilian court other than to have some kind of show trial. They’ll simply use it as a platform to argue their case—it’ll be a place for them to stand up and spread the terrible ideology that they adhere to.”

Darth, who was okay with his hireling George II smooching Saudi princes, and prancing about with them hand in hand, also fulminated that Obama’s respectful bow last week to the Emperor of Japan was “fundamentally harmful” to the United States.

Dang, Darth! Sounds like mebbe you think somethin’ pretty darn drastic oughtta be done to that Kneegrow!

Darth’s bilge was spilled Monday morning on something called the Scott Hennen Show. Hennen is the smooth-talking smoothbrain assigned by the rightwing noise machine to organ-grind lies out the radio in the Fargo, North Dakota region. As evidenced in the photo to the right, Hennen is a hunter, so it is possible that at some point Darth may be compelled to shoot him in the face.

Darth cried that the dirty lowdown Kneegrow “is somebody who bows before foreign leaders and spends his trips aboard primarily apologizing for US behavior,” when everybody knows that “we are the world’s foremost democracy, we have sacrificed thousands of lives to being freedom and democracy to people all over the world, to win World War II, World War I, etc.”

Except that France is the world’s foremost democracy, mutinous French and German troops ended World War I, and victory in World War II was secured by the Russians.

Darth of course dutifully repeated the lie that he and his hireling George II secured the “safety for the homeland here for 8 years,” when in fact their incompetence and inattention were responsible for the most devastating attack on the US mainland in all of recorded history.

Having launched the failed imperial enterprises Occupation Enduring Fiefdom and Operation Iraqi Fiefdom, Darth is now all aflutter that the Bad Kneegrow is not “winning” his wars immediately. He indicated that the problem is that the White House is now infested with Kneegrows who are Dumb and Confused:

“It may be in part be inexperience on Obama’s part, it may be that there’s confusion on the staff, but I’m not encouraged by it. The President’s obviously the ones we pay the big bucks to make these kinds of difficult decisions, and it’s not as though he had not addressed this before[.] He’s dithered.”

I was especially touched when Darth, who has never met an American war that he didn’t like, but who refused to himself serve in Vietnam because he had “other priorities,” scrabbling hard to obtain five separate deferments, finally ordering his wife to become pregnant in a last-ditch effort to escape service, expressed concern for the very same troops he had killed and maimed and psychologically brutalized for more than seven years:

“I worry that the—ya know, there’s a lack of understanding there, with what this means from the perspective of the troops, you know if you’re out there on the line, day in and day out, and putting your life at risk, on a volunteer basis for the nation, and you see the commander in chief, unable, or appearing to be unable to make a decision about the way forward here, that raises serious doubts.”

Darth declined to comment on evidence that he may be a sort of lizard-human hybrid, but did announce that he will soon menace the world with his seventh grandchild.

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